from the nato's

well would you look at that.

2012-02-14T05:53:00.000-08:00

hey guys,

it's valentines day. and i need to show some love to you lovelies.

can i say thanks for all your sweet comments on that last post? you guys are totally insane and i love you and we don't even know each other, but whatever. i think there are some things we all don't like about the interweb and the blogging world. but one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the blogging community rallies around people and says, keep going! especially mothers.

and also, i don't think i communicated in that last post that we are in the process of getting lila evaluated, that she is in therapy and we are changing her diet and a million other things to get her moving in the right direction(and for the new readers, that she couldn't hear for the 1st two years of her life, so that plays into this). but i love everyone's suggestions. keep them coming! some of you are farther along in this process than me and i love hearing your thoughts. for reals.

and speaking of an awesome blogging community, i am a contributing writer for a pretty amazing blog called

beautifully

rooted

that launches today.

it is a space for women to connect to Jesus through encouraging words, inspiring projects, and creative vision.

shoot on over there for a visit!

lila. sigh.

2012-02-10T12:37:00.000-08:00

sigh....

that's exactly what i just did before i started typing. it is known in my family that the women are sighers. different sighs mean different things. it's an art really.
i did a short sigh, which means... i'm baffled. and side note, if a woman ever does a sigh mixed with some sort of gruntal noise, go ahead and move out of her way because she's about lose it and/or grab some sort of object and throw it at your face.
anyway, i haven't written about lila in a while. lila has some stuff going on in her sweet brain and body that we are trying to figure out. we don't even have a label for her, actually. maybe that's good or bad. a part of me wants a label so i can say, this is what she has, now let's fix it! and the other part of me doesn't want her to have a label at all. i don't want her to be confined to a definition or a disorder.

with that said, we kind of know that she has a sensory disorder going on. she seems to be growing out of some of it. we are doing therapy and gluten free for her. hence all the bean brownies... toot toot!

we definitely know she has language and learning delays. lila is 3 and 1/2 and doesn't talk well.
but she is trying.
she is improving.
you may not understand her, but i do. sort of.

she can't get her shopping cart over the rug because it's stuck on the carpet. Elwp! (help).
she's hungry and says, tees! (cheese)
uh doo doo do, BABY! awwww, baby. telling me something about her baby. haha. we have no idea what she's really saying. but it's cute.
uh oh! this is a constant word. she's gets into trouble often. and then comes to me and says, uh oh! and then i go find something crazy that she's gotten into.
i mostly instagram these things. (you can follow jaminato if you want a good laugh at my expense.)

i need to do better about taking actual pictures.
here are a few lila moments for you. you would think i don't watch her. but generally this happens when i'm going to the bathroom, putting penelope down for a nap, or cleaning the kitchen.

now that first part is probably coming off more light hearted than i intend.

lila is a complete challenge for me. just constantly into anything and everything. ALL. THE. TIME.
no nap time to regroup either. she doesn't nap or else she stays up till midnight. even a 5 minute snooze can derail the evening.
now mind you , lila is not like my first child. i was like...AWESOME. layne was sleep trained...and he also was not a rule breaker. sheriff layne at your service.
then lila came along and i realized that i knew nothing. absolutely nothing. none of my old tricks worked. and then penelope came along and i was like, wait...aren't i supposed to know what i'm doing by now? but alas, i do not. long sighhhhhhhhhhh.

so basically to do anything during the day, i just run around and chase lila. while eating lunch or getting something done. lila is in my sight.
i do my makeup with lila in the room. she's digging around in my makeup...dumping it out everywhere. or taking things out of drawers. you imagine it, she does it.
if i'm dressing penelope, she's in the bathroom eating toothpaste.
if i'm going to the bathroom, who knows what i'll find when i come out.

now, yesterday i was having a really terrible morning.
couldn't find my keys. running late to drop layne off to school. penelope crying. house is filthy. can't find pacifier. lila has no shoes on. etc. etc.

on the way to drop off lila, nato and i are on the phone. i'm yell-crying at this point. saying things like, I QUIT! i'm done! i'm not being a mother anymore!
kind of funny, actually. because it's absurd. mother's can't quit.

lila goes to mother's day out once a week. hear me loud and clear when i say, we do not miss this day for anything.
so of course after the nutty morning yesterday, we showed up 20 minutes late.
i park the car and open the back door to get lila out.
she's gotten into her lunch, eaten some of it and squirted her juice box everywhere. at this point, i'm crying. and i can't blame it on "allergies. sometimes you can be like, oh it's just my allergies...i'm not crying. chuckle chuckle. this was beyond that.
i just dropped her off to mother's day out. like...no words, but communicating with my watery eyes.
here, take her.
and then i just kept crying on down the hallway. it was pitiful. luckily i was late and no one was in the hallway to see me wipe my snot on my jacket.

then i went to laser hair removal appointment. nothing will cheer a gal up like a painful, rubberband snap-feeling to your sensitive areas, i always say.

there is no transition from that last sentence to the next sentence. so i'll leave it at that and say, man...this child is extremely frustrating for me. she is also so delightful. but it doesn't take away the frustration piece. i want to just be ok with everything and be like, no big deal! i got this!
but i don't "got this".

i want to be better equipped for mothering lila. but i'm not.

i was reading in the bible(matthew 9 and 10) this morning and Jesus was telling the disciples to go heal the sick and preach in some place they'd never been. and the funny thing is, He sent them off and said, hey, don't bring extra clothes or shoes. no extra staff. don't bring money or food. just go with what you have. (jami paraphrase version)

and i sat there and i thought, he sent them out there to do his work and he made them go with nothing. they weren't equipped. they just knew what they were supposed to do, not really what would happen when they got there or how they were going to do it.

that's it.

and i'll bet you ten dollars and a laser hair removal session, that he did that on purpose. so they would remember they needed Jesus. so that they would be provided for by Him in their need, not that extra this or that they decided to bring. each little step by each little scary step they would need Jesus.

and i need that provision.

so that's what i'm praying for. just provision for my next steps with lila when i don't feel equipped. that i would love lila right where she's at. not constantly trying to make her do more, learn more, be fixed, be like others her age.

God has me as lila's mother for a reason. i don't have to have all the tools i think i need to do that. God says he's got that part covered.

i'm going to rest in that today. and i hope you do to.

sweet and pink baby shower. because God redeems.

2012-02-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

please meet my friend, chelsea.
she makes me laugh.
she also laughs at my jokes no matter how terrible they are. this is very key in a friendship.
more importantly, she doesn't roll her eyes at me when we talk party planning. because she's crazier(awesomer) than me in that department.

but she has also weathered some pretty intense storms this past year. like when she was pregnant and miscarried at 19 weeks. it was a terrible loss and i marveled at how gracious she was as she walked through it all. but that's chelsea. she is gracious.

so it seemed fitting to throw her a simple, graceful, light and airy, pinkish, subtle shower. and we didn't want to forget jemma's sweet life. no matter how short it was.

and how great is is that she's having another little girl? God is called Redeemer for a reason. He makes situations that seem hopeless and terrible and turn them into joy. all is not lost.

cutest, roundest belly ever, no? so rude. considering i blow it up when i'm preggars.

flowers arranged by lizz. little vases are the best, aren't they? makes such a great statement in small bunches instead of one huge bunch.
and these silver trays are from the dollar store. go buy one in every shape. i'm only being bossy, because it's for your own good, players. you will use them often.

runner is just brown packing paper with lace on top. again...simple.

party favors...meringues hand crafted by me...uhhmmmm, or trader joes.

a donut hole tower? yes, please. good call, lizz. if you just threw some donut holes in a box and set them out, not cute. i mean, i'd eat them nonetheless, let's be honest. but put them in tower, all the sudden donut holes become classy.

here i am focusing hard on not really praying. i was caught in the act. thanks allyson, for capturing this irreverent moment.

girl showers are insane...i mean, people just go nutty on hilariously girly things...it's so great. and i was grateful to be sitting with chelsea while she opens baby girl gifts. God is so gracious and good to us.

thanks for letting me host with you guys...kristy, lizz, allyson, marietta, and allison!

congrats chelsea...can't wait to meet that sweet babers.

ungratefulness in a jumpsuit.

2012-01-30T05:07:00.000-08:00

so i wrote that christmas post about gratefulness and i feel like i should revisit it. some things are happening. and some things are not happening that i want to happen. so i guess this is a process or something.
rude.
i think i just wanted to be like...hey, God, i've repented...so go ahead and give us this character trait right now. with no work involved. on my terms.
but building character doesn't work like that. because God is smart. the process is valuable. the work is valuable.
kind of like when you're in college and you keep skipping algebra. because, when you're not paying for it, it feels better to talk to the cute guy in the hallway and snicker as you watch your classmates enter the room. however, the 40 year old, non-traditional student is always there. in the front row. making the grade. because they know how much it cost to be there.
(this is a completely hypothetical statement...awkward laugh...i would NEVER take college algebra THRICE. three times, people. because i hate math. pointless math, especially)

so i think right now we're still in the process of changing habits and becoming more aware of what ungratefulness looks like for us. where it's hiding in our hearts. where it's hard for us to say that God is enough.

and so in noticing that my child is ungrateful and asking God to help me guide him to be more thankful, God has held a mirror to my own heart.
he says, you are ungrateful.
and i feel heavy inside.
i pray, God help me see. i don't want to run away from this. i want to change.

and is it ironic that in wanting to help my children exude gratefulness, he uses them to say, this is what you look like with me, daughter.

lila has a shopping cart from christmas. she walks around and goes "shopping" all day. she grabs, diapers and food and toys and books and clothes and balloons and trash...and it billows out over the top. it falls all over the floor and she picks it up and tries to make it fit over and over again...until she starts angry crying because all her stuff won't fit.

i laugh sometimes because she looks so silly... lila, baby...stop...it won't fit.
and then God holds up that mirror.
oh, that's what i look like.
my shopping cart overflowing with junk. getting angry because i always want more and it just doesn't fit.

it's such a hilarious literal translation. i mean, if you ever wonder if God has a sense of humor...

really, because one of our goals for this year was to not impulse spend. aye yi yi. i didn't think it was a huge deal for me, but really it is...
like going to target and only buying what i need. you're thinking...DUH. but for me, those clearance isles call my name. orange stickers whisper my name.
sometimes i see orange stickers and i think, will this be what heaven is like? super clearance! i hope so. ok not really. maybe?

(lila is giving me sass here, as you can see. with her jumpsuit on and sunglasses and a sticker in her hair. classy.)

but only buying what i need is something that has gotten away from me. and i'm surprised at how hard it has been for me to say no.
even when you don't necessarily have to.
just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
and just because it's a freaking awesome deal, doesn't mean you need it.
on the other end, just because you're broke and you can't buy everything you want, doesn't mean ungratefulness isn't in your heart. that constant sense of wanting more all the time.

having or not having money is not the issue. the issue simply asks us, is God enough for me.

sometimes this issue of finance just shows you what's going on in your heart. isn't it weird...that God connected money as a barometer of what's happening in your heart?
God says, where you're treasure is, there your heart will be also.
(there is a seeds of worship song that we love...layne sings it like , where your treasure is, then your heart will be AWESOME.... then your heart will be AWESOME... so funny.)

now while God is working on us, we are also taking practical steps with the kids. as far as the toy situation...
we removed all the toys from their rooms and from downstairs(mostly) and put them in the basement. when they want a toy, they go grab it. play with it and bring it back down when done.
it's been a little bit of a transition, it doesn't always work, but overall, it's been pretty great.
we talk about ungratefulness when we see it playing out.
we are working on being more aware. we're hoping that is some sort of a start.

so we have a long ways to go. a really long ways to go. i'll keep you updated, though.
until then, for encouragement on the long road, you can gaze upon this turtle to lift your spirits.

also, side note, know that penelope has straight up skipped baby food and has moved to straight up table food. poor 3rd child.

garbanzo bean blondies. or tannies.

2012-01-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

ok so first of all, i'm sorry i closed down comments on the last post. i thought it would be helpful and it turned out being unhelpful. you all had some good things to say...so you emailed me or put them in the last post. anyway, sorry. that was weird of me.

SO, in awkward transition, toot... let's talk about beans in desserts, shall we? a lot of you tried and loved the black bean brownies. and 2 of you hated them. so, maybe give these guys a chance? i love blondies and these can compete with a regular fatty blondie any day. they were so good...even warm, these were so so so good. not lying.

and you use your blender.
and these are pretty healthy.
still have sugar in them, but whatever.
gluten free too. BAM. (although i guess there's a debate about oats not being gluten free?)

so here's what you need:

bean blender blondies

1 can of chickpeas
2 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup almond butter (or peanut butter)
1 egg
1/4 cup oats
1 Tbsp ground flaxseed(you generally can buy this anywhere)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup chocolate chips
i also think some nuts would be delicious in here. so maybe 1/3 cup chopped almonds. try it.

so what i did was just drained and rinsed the chickpeas and then dumped them in the blender. i give them a quick pulse to break them up. add the vanilla, almond butter and then mix. then add the egg, oats, flaxseed and mix. scrape down the sides if you need to. add brown sugar, salt, soda and baking powder and mix.
now don't over mix...just mix until everything is blended.

if your blender is not working right, you might have to help it along. while the blender is on, stir it with a spatula until it starts suck everything in the blades... and if all else fails, you can stir everything by hand. it will still be good.

at the end, throw in your chocolate chips and just mix those by hand. don't blender them!

you'll bake at 350 degrees for 40 to 45 minutes. it's almost hard to burn these so don't worry when they are looking brown. instead of blondies, we could call these "tannies".
so let these cool for 20 minutes and then have at them. they are delicious warm!

resources when dealing with infidelity

2012-01-19T05:49:00.000-08:00

i get a lot of emails that look like,

hey, just found out my husband is having an affair, not sure where to start...

so here is where i started.
maybe it will help you or your friend? or your mom? or your sister? or someone who's world is absolutely turned upside down?

you can look in the marriage category on the right, if you're like...wait, what? the whole story is over there.

now this is super practical, not deeply theological. because frankly if a person is in a car wreck, bleeding profusely, you're not going to say...ok, why did you get in this wreck? you know what? i don't think you're seatbelt is on, silly!
first, they need to just get out of there, right?

so the first advice i generally give is: get into community of people who will take care of you during this time.
i would say family is different from a "community" in this regard because family will despise anyone that has hurt you this bad-- their advice might not be the best. but either way, you'll need people gathered around you and taking care of you.

but i don't want anyone to know...it's really embarrassing!
i think that may feel normal to think, but that's not how human's are supposed to deal with traumatic events. you need help. the last thing you need right now is more secrets.

but my spouse doesn't want anyone to know!
oh, that's interesting. your spouse is "sorry", but still trying to protect him/herself over you. does that pattern of selfishness look familiar? i'm not saying yell from the rooftops what happened, but people who are close to you need to know so YOU can get the help YOU need. in the end, this step of vulnerability will serve your family well. if you're in a church community, your pastor and small group leaders should know. if you aren't into jesus, you need to be able to tell someone who you trust and value.

but i'm not in a church!
i bet you know someone who would take you. ask.
(do you live in KC? i know of a good one.)

my second piece of advice is get into counseling, like, yesterday.
go as many times as they'll let you. go separately. go together. go with your dog and your mom. everyone should be in therapy.

now, a little side note on this...there are some weirdoes out there in the therapy world. even christian counselors can be nutty and give terrible advice. so don't feel bad if you have to change therapists until you find one that's right for you. if you live in KC, email me and i'll give you some excellent therapist contacts.

but we can't afford counseling!
most counselors will work on a sliding scale with your income. stop making excuses.

but my spouse won't go!
go by yourself. you are going through a lot and need professional help. this is a deep emotional wound that should not be looked over. it will come back if you don't deal with it now.

if your spouse has a soft heart, wants to change, is repentant and showing fruit of that,
get out of town. sounds strange, but you need time to rebuild. just you 2. no kids...no counselors, no family, no opinions from others.
we went to the weekend to remember marriage conference. they have them all over the U.S. it's christian based, full of incredible speakers and a great place to re-boot those places in marriage that are completely dysfunctional. i think everyone should go to this whether they have drama or not.

pornography and affairs often hold hands. this free software should be installed on your computers. it's called X3watch. sounds naughty, huh? it's not. it's all about protecting people from the harm of pornography and giving resources to those who struggle. if anything is noticed by the software, it will show up in the weekly report that gets sent to you and 2 other accountability partners. this actually should be installed on everyone's computers everywhere. seriously. hedges are needed on the computer. it's an enticing, crazy, and destructive cyber world out there.

many people will recommend books to read during this time. self help kinds that deal with infidelity. i found these to be annoying and unhelpful and threw them across my room on several an occasion.
sometimes deep thoughts aren't what you need in a time of turmoil.
maybe if i hadn't started reading them week 1? i perhaps needed some distance. however, i have not read any since then...and our marriage still made it. all that to say, i'm sure there are good ones out there but that's not what made it "work".

it's not a book, but this list of articles here at family life today that i found helpful. some of the stories really gave me a lot of hope.

the one book nato and i read together was a christian fiction novel called redeeming love by francine rivers. i mean, hilariously cheesy in a couple parts but it is a story of a redeemed marriage and it mirrored the Gospel to us without having to feel too heavy and instructional. we cried throughout the book. yes, my hubbs cried too.

but the truth is, a book won't change things. neither will anything i wrote above.

on that note:

the Gospel is your only hope for lasting change.
what does that even mean?
there is a verse that is often church-a-fied. so much so that we don't understand the depth of what it means or we overlook it because it's said often.

ephesians 4:32

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

is it coincidence that this verse was written on a chalkboard in our home a week before i found out about the affair? i think not. it stared me in the face as i cried doing laundry. i thought about it often. i yelled to God, what does that even mean! is that possible here?

understanding that Christ forgives us and loves us even though we betray him everyday, helps us to extend that same grace to those who have offended us greatly. it's not a verse that says...hey, who cares what they did, just say "it's ok" and move on!

it's not saying there won't be consequences or that forgiveness won't be hard. it's showing us the depths of our own sin so that we can give grace to others. the same grace we need every second.

you need the same grace as your husband who slept with other women and betrayed you.

i am in contact with some of those who are not christians and going through affairs and my answer does not change in how i got through this.
my faith in Jesus.
you want to know how we made it?
God worked a miracle.
how i look at my husband and trust him more than ever?
God is amazing.

if you want all the right answers, don't look at me.

i got nothin'.

entry way re-do. yes!

2012-01-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

you know when you ask your husband to do something for like, oh, i don't know...a year? and he finally has time to do it? that is a good man, i say to you. one of the things i love about nato is that even if he doesn't know how to do something, he will still do it. he lets me boss him around at times. and he hates it. but he knows it's for his own good...sigh.

so ya, here's what it looked like before. it was an unused pocket of space. we desperately needed hooks for the kids backpacks and coats. our previous method of storage is all the jackets crumpled in the dark, super narrow, hilarious hall closet. or jackets hanging on chairs. everywhere. every chair had a purse, diaper bag, coat hanging on it....respectively.

(the nail gun is borrowed but you an rent these inexpensively from your hardware store)

if you want to do this yourselves...just make a grid. the boards on the inside of the grid were slightly smaller.
you will have to do your will have to do your own math for the grid spacing on your wall, as every wall size will be different.

here is the hired help.
hired with garbanzo bean blondies. i know, i'm stuck on bean desserts. it's crazy how good they are--especially if you are gluten free. and a note on the black bean brownies. most people have said they are delicious but there were a few of you who said they were the worst ever. you must try again! they really are good. maybe don't over blend? i don't know. baking is sometimes weird...

here is a little treasure just for kicks. nato will call me in a minute and tell me to delete this picture. let the arrow move your eye...YEP! there it is. what project wouldn't be complete without a little plumber's crack-ola.

after we caulked and primed and painted it...heart explosion...dream fulfilled!
(use a good primer and paint with semi gloss paint or enamel. we used BEHR brand "off white" semi gloss)

the funny thing is it was so inexpensive. $60 for the lumber and $25 for the hooks. and it was really quick. maybe 10 hours of work? $85 for a complete, useful transformation.

and p.s. did you know any hardware store will cut your wood for you? ours is an old house with uneven walls, or this would have been awesome. however, each piece had to be cut differently.

so you basically have no reason to not do this project in your own home.

ok one last little summary.

thanks, nato. you rocked this project.

a picture from instagram. do you love instagram? yes, so do we.
my name is jaminato on there if you want to be an insta-stalker.

black bean brownies from heaven.

2012-01-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

PFFFFFFerrrrrrrrr.
as i type this, my husband literally just farted on the couch. why? simple answer, i made black bean brownies. black beans in the brownies!
and spinach too!
you're thinking this is gross.
but it was soooooooo good!

can you even deal with that in your heart right now?

i'm going to answer that question with another question.
why were dinosaurs made?

neither of those questions are getting us anywhere, so i'll stop with the questions and get to these magical brownies.

these brownies are healthier... with more protein than a normal brownie and no flour, your gut is going to thank you later. i mean that LIT-RA-LEE and figuratively. plus i threw in some spinach just to see what happens. bam. can't taste the spinach...but adds some iron.

these brownies are gluten free. which won't matter for a lot of you. but for lila, it does. the poor child has been eating fruit snacks for her treats--which suddenly taste like rocks when others around you are enjoying baked goods of all kinds.

now i tried the trader joe's gluten free brownie mix and as it turns out, these brownies are actually served in hell as punishment for not moving coal into the fiery furnace fast enough. they were heinous. sorry, TJ. that mix is really really really bad. a lot of mixes are. gluten free flour has this weird grittiness about it. so if you can bypass the flour, well... by golly do so.

whether you're gluten free or not, these brownies are good. i'm not just saying that. try it for yourself. they are super easy...made in a blender even.

here's the recipe.

Lila's Black Bean Brownies
1 can, rinsed and drained black beans
1/2 cup fresh spinach (more or less)
3 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 TBSP vanilla extract
1 cup sugar
1 tsp ground coffee
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

so first, throw your black beans in the blender and give them a couple pulses just to break them up. then add your oil and spinach. pulse them until blended. blend like a crazy person. we want this smoooooth.

you'll have to scrape down the sides...then pulse again...scrape the sides...then pulse. you want there to be no chunks or as little as possible.
add your vanilla, coffee, salt, sugar, cocoa powder... and i threw in a TBSP of choco chips too for good measure.
pulse until it's all smooth.
then add those eggs.
pulse until well blended. you don't need to over do it here. just blend it all together and then stop.

spray an 8X8 pan with pam or butter the dish. put your runny brownies in there.
throw the choco chips on top

bake at 350 for 45 minutes.
take out and let cool completely for a couple hours.

really, you don't want to eat these hot. they are much better cold. so store them in the fridge before serving.

oh, you wanted salted carmel brownies because that's all the rage on the intranet?
there. you. go. trendsetter.

you will not taste the beans. promise. just fudge goodness you won't feel too bad about eating.
dee...pfffferrrrr...licious.
take your beano.

and so it begins.

2012-01-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

so i wasn't just saying this year was going to be different to say it.

i mean, you can say you're going to lose 50lbs this year and then the next day your at target walking by the christmas clearance section. where those christmas m&m's are. for 70% off! be still my beating heart... ok it's true, this happened today. and these 2 overweight older ladies were filling their cart and one of them says, what about that resolution to eat better? and the other lady was like, oh, i already forgot about that. chuckle chuckle. awkward silence. bag crinkling and clinging into the basket.

(that's a "dragon" underneath all the writing. thanks layne.)

and i would have taken a couple bags too if we didn't resolve to do this detox thing. and write it down. and make a plan. and make other people do it with us, so as torture them and also to have accountability. but will i make all week? i don't know. but i'm trying.

and we're detoxing in other areas too. detoxing from stuff we don't need. and accumulation of meaningless things. and thoughtless days. and ungratefulness. spending money that doesn't need to be spent. aside from a few gift cards from christmas, i'm trying not spend our money on frivolous things. in just a couple of days, i have found this to be difficult. telling myself no at target. some people say, just don't go to target. but wait, is that just modifying your behavior or is it better to just go and continue to practice self-control? time will tell. perhaps i will only find the answers to this and other heavy questions (like why did the show lost have such a crappy ending) at the pearly gates.

so ya, just saying that i want to be more grateful this year is really vague. and will lose it's motivational grip if i don't have an action plan behind it. go ahead, say a goal. i bet it's vague.
now ask, what does that look like?
there. now we're getting somewhere.

for the first time in our marriage, nato and i wrote down goals for the year. we felt kind of nerdy for some reason. nato looked at me like i was insane when i actually handed him a goals worksheet.
but he was a good sport and filled it out.

and i made one for everyone! yes...it's like oprah. YOU GET A WORKSHEET! YOU GET A WORKSHEET....YOUUUUUU GET A WORKSHEET!
now there is nothing fancy about these. you can find much more detailed and cute ones on the mighty intranet. but there is something great and underwhelming about being simple. who needs to be overwhelmed by overly detailed lists that you'll never be able to keep up with? not me.
i wanted you to be able to print them off and not waste all your ink. it doesn't need to blow your mind. it needs to help you accomplish your goals.

i made them black and white too so you don't have to waste your color. uhthankyou
here is the color.
here is the B&W

confession: i'm not a planner. i'm not good at being organized. but i am trying this year. i think the one thing that has held me back from writing down goals and planning out days and weeks or vacations or menus....is that by nature, i'm not a structured person. i like to be a free bird. just go where the day takes me.
the only problem with that is...well...a lot of things don't get done. dinner time comes and i'm scrounging for things in the fridge. kindergarten is coming and i'm like...oh hey, maybe you should know how to write your name. ya, shameful. so i need to stop blaming that on my personality. and change some things up. there will certainly be a balance between structure and the latter. so i created a little ditty to help me plan out my days as well. specifically...what i'll do with each kid every day. 3 simple things. i think i can handle that.

the above can be printed here.

here i will circle 3 things that need to get done that week or that day. these are specifically things i hate doing. which is like every chore, basically. hmmm. anyway, i'm going to make a notepad on vistaprint.com...but for now, this will work.

you can print that one here

now the truth is, these lists will not get filled out with every day. i'm going to try and do them for the month so as to create a new habit. a thought process. maybe i'll just write them out on the chalkboard in the morning. i'm going to also give myself grace. i'm not going for awesomeness...just habit change.

but doing the same thing every year by making vague resolutions or saying that resolutions are dumb as yielded nothing. surprise! goals actually work when practiced daily.

so on january one, we said...let's do this. structure style.
in uncle tony's language, we said
come here you devil log!
(turn off the music at the bottom of the blog to get the full effect)

this is from a movie called heavy weights. about a fat camp with a fanatic health nut played by ben stiller. if you're looking for an inspirational movie, watch this. NOT really.

anyway, we are working through what gratefulness looks like in our family. so we removed every toy from downstairs and upstairs and everywhere. we went through them all.
there were broken toy pieces, trash, non working toys, things the kids don't play with, and spoons from the kitchen(what?). there those were.

we threw a ton out. a TON. isn't it weird how we just let our homes become heavy with trash? needless stuff we don't look at our play with? it feels heavy living like this.

it was an all day activity. layne said he loved every toy. of course. it's like me going through my shoes...oh but i love these! even though i haven't worn them in a year! and my feet have grown since i had another baby and they don't even fit. i think i'll let them clutter up my closet for yet another year instead of give to someone in need because i'm selfish! yay!

he was scared that anything i touched was going to be thrown away.
nothing was safe...wahahahahaha!

so once we organized everything into groups...
babies
blocks
legos
coloring
books
cars
etc
we took it all to the basement. we set it up in a way that the kids could see in each bin. we wanted to get shelving, but we thought it would be better to save the money and just keep it on the floor for now.

there is literally nothing to play with upstairs. the kids have to be intentional when they want to play with something.
layne thinks about it.
he asks to go get it.
brings it upstairs.
when he's done, he has to put it away or he can't go get something else.

can i just say, that this has been amazing. my house is not insanely messy all the damn time. nor are their bedrooms.
wow. it sounds so drastic, and it kind of is. i guess... in america. i think of children playing in trash heaps scrounging around for something that resembles a ball and i don't feel so drastic then.

and 'm pretty sure most of the fun my children were having was in just making the mess.
bold statement, i know.

so anyway, all that to say, i believe this is helping gratefulness because the kids have found a new appreciation for toys they already have. layne says, it's like we have a store in our basement!
there is a sense of gratefulness shown when you learn to take care of what you already own.
and you don't need to be overstimulated with 800 different toys staring you in the face at all hours of the day. it makes no sense to ask our children to be grateful and then bombard them with more than what they need constantly.
over. stim. u. lation.

layne is playing with toys he hasn't played with in years. score.
our house is getting de cluttered by the minute. PTL.
and i am needing God every minute to help me stay focused on what i feel He has stirred up in my heart.
repenting is a process that is painful yet good. or something deep like that.
but strangely enough, through the repenting, i actually feel vibrant and energized. looks like all that stuff was cluttering more than i thought.

i read a verse today(acts 3:19). it said, Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord...
sums up what's going on in our lives right now.

i'm so two-thousand and late.

2012-01-03T13:37:00.000-08:00

i'm a little late in posting our christmas festivities. but the important thing is that it's not on time...but it's written down. our story is important and should be treated as such. so is yours.

so on christmas eve, we do a toofurr. or two-for. or double whammy. we hit up my mom's for lunch first.
and were greeted with home videos projected on the wall upon our arrival. what? dad was in the reminiscing mood. plus he got a new projector toy.
so we saw some hilarious videos from days of old. where i obviously looked really hot...with braces and missing teeth. it's true. nato was like...wow, glad i got you after all that. luckily, baker women age well. some people get uglier through the years, but the baker gals get prettier. (this is what we tell to each other every year in hopes that it will become true.) we get moles removed, mustaches waxed, braces off, we start brushing our hair and we stop looking like men. it's kind of amazing what all that will do for a gal. some would say it's common sensical. i say it's only common sensical if you use the word, "sensical" over and over again in one paragraph.

anyway, layne played the trumpet with my dad and was really good at it. most people can hardly make the trumpet work. but layne picked it up and knew what to do. we thought about putting him in trumpet lessons and then quickly laughed at ourselves for even letting this idea pop into our brains. for we would not like to endure the practicing of a loud instrument all our lives.

this picture below is where i'm saying, playing the trumpet is dumb! and everyone agreeing.

we opened too many presents. one of which was a sonicare toothbrush. that's how you know you're old. when you ask for a special toothbrush.

also lila threw up 4 times at my parents. it was amazing. and everyone got the bug later.
you're welcome.

so then we head to the nato side. here is some food that we ate. ya right, i don't eat anything that looks unamerican, because i am lame and picky.

i have no idea what these dishes are made of or what they taste like. nato says they are delicious. i'll take his word for it.

then we played games.
ya. we did.

this guy was looking for a penny in a bowl of flour. he never found it.

but ya, the filipinos are very competitive. they watch if your toes are over the line and stuff. they get mad at each other and sometimes they cheat and stuff more marshmallows in their mouth to up their number of "total caught". it's great to watch.

this is just a sweet picture. lola and penelope. "lola and penelope". that sounds like a boutique but it's just my family.

then the kids get spoiled. very spoiled. it's kind of insane.

lila also threw up here a couple of times.

on chrismtas morning, lila was still sick. just sprawled out on all the toys. awe.some.

nato and i got matching shoes. sick...who gets matching shoes? that's so nerdy. we do. PROUD MATCHERS.

(a little smash in the face never hurt anyone, i always say.)

and the kids got more than they needed. and don't play with a lot of it. hence, the post before this...christmas will look different. i'm excited to document our journey of gratefulness this year.

we're sick of being ungrateful. get it? a play on words because lila's sick in the pic?! ok, dumb.

happy new year. and stuff.

something has to change.

2011-12-31T09:55:00.000-08:00

that's a great christmas post title, right? but i think it perfectly explains what's going on in my heart and my brain.

(and yes, i'm totally going to document our christmas in a later post, don't you worry. i just feel like i need to write down what's pressing first.)

lately, i feel like we're raising our children to be ungrateful. accidentally. because we're not intentionally doing anything that would teach them otherwise. when a child has so much, there is nothing left to want. and i think when a child or anyone doesn't understand that feeling of want, it does something weird to their heart.

it's doing something weird to my heart.

if i want something, i just go to the store and get it. basically. i mean, not anything super crazy. but in general, that's what i do. but there was a time when i couldn't do that years ago. i couldn't even get milk. we were just broke. it was annoying but it was so good. we have hilarious memories of "making do" and being resourceful. jimmy rigging things. scrounging for change to get ice-cream. and man, that ice-cream was really good.

that's why i still dumpster dive. and heart sales and clearance. and being resourceful and cutting coupons. and all that. that time really shaped me as a person. in a good way.

and i grew up in a family of 10.
8 children.
the girls all slept in one room and the boys in another. we shared clothes and toys and beds even.
we did not get what we wanted whenever we asked. we didn't have a lot of money. i don't remember going without but there was an understanding that things will not go your way about 95% of the time. you may get boots. but not the brand you asked for. the knock off. uhthankyou.
even at breakfast...you'd better get down stairs first if you want the good cereal. healthy competition. but an understanding that sometimes, you wake up late and you're eating toast. no one threw a fit. just take the walk of shame to the bread cabinet. silently glaring at the sibling with a full bowl...slurping and smiling with cereal streaming through their grin.

so yes, i remember the feeling of want. and although it was hard, it was good to feel that. because when you received something...even tiny, it meant so much.

i was grateful.

for some reason around this christmas season, things slowed down. it wasn't crazy. we did advent, and it became a time of self examination. i had more time to focus on what's been going on in my heart. identifying things that don't belong there. and hey, a lot of things don't belong in there.

i feel like i've moved backwards a little since those penny pinching days. i just have let myself go in impulsive spending. not being super thoughtful about our budget or a little debt. and we're dave ramsey lovers even. that makes it worse. i'm ashamed of myself.

nothing like public confession. ha....awkward laugh...sigh...

so anyway, all that to say, although our christmas was really great, things are going to have to change around here. i don't know if you guys read anne voscamps blog or get her devotionals in your email. well she's pretty much blown me away with how intentional she is about shaping her children's hearts.

i sat at my computer crying sometime at the beginning december reading about how they do christmas. it was at that point, i felt the sting of conviction. their children forgo gifts for themselves and instead, spend the money they would spend on gifts and give clean water, mosquito nets, blankets, goats, etc. to people around the world in need of basic items to survive.

TO SURVIVE. and there my child sleeps with 3 blankets, 5 pillows, 2 stuffed animals, a million pairs of shoes, toys out his eyeballs. he wakes up and drinks clean water. gets milk whenever he wants. has plenty to eat. and also has no idea about malaria, starvation or anything of that sort.

now layne is a really sweet kid. he's not naughty. not a super brat. he is such a treasure. but i see something budding in his character. (and in my character. and in my husband's character. and in our family's character). and it is not ok.

Layne just got a lot of new toys on christmas and there he lays stretched out on the floor says, I'm bored. with a heavy sigh.

and in that moment i see myself this year. sighing.
i'm bored with my old stuff.
i'm bored with my couch.
i'm bored with my kitchen.
i'm bored with my clothes.
this list goes on.

my heart has been ungrateful. you wouldn't know it. no, i hide it.
i feel a whisper saying, why do you want more and more when we you have all that you need in Christ? and i have the audacity to say with my actions and thoughts, i'm bored with what you offer me, Jesus.

no more. i repent. this year will be a process of getting back to what really matters. with being intentional about my friendships and intentional about the way we raise our children. intentional about our spending and intentional about finding those things we love more than Christ and getting rid of them.

next year's christmas will definitely look different. we aren't sure exactly what it will look like, but we are thinking that it will be one gift under the tree for each child. and the rest of the gifts that would be there will be given to others who are in need. one gift because i still want the kids to get a sense of anticipation and waiting.

(here layne and nato are playing with one of his favorite toys that i bought AT THE DOLLAR STORE! of course.)

it will be good for our hearts. and perhaps it will create a sense of gratitude for the best gift we've been given... which is a baby, Jesus, born to die for us. to save us from the mess.

and i need that.
don't we all.

disclaimer:
no, i'm not trying to be a fun killer. and what we're doing is not the way everyone should do things. no i'm not trying to be self righteous. i hope that some of you do get mad at me for writing this and that it stirs something in your hearts. yes, i do enjoy healthy dialogue about anything i write. feel free to disagree.

we play dress up.

2011-12-20T05:31:00.000-08:00

christmas card pictures can sometimes be extremely normal. which they should be. actually.

but i can't help but take the opportunity to be silly. it's like a grown-up form of playing dress up. plus my sister does my makeup(and took these pictures! superwoman) and it makes me feel like a super star (said like mary catherine gallagher). plus i wore a dress i stole from my youngest sister(and still haven't given back, nor do i plan to). and this fur coat that used to be my granny's. it smelled like mildew with a touch of moth balls. which inspired me to create a fragrance line(since that's what everyone is doing these days). it will be called touch of mildew. it's descriptive, yet will keep people guessing.

i'm not really sure what that means.

so anyway... enjoy. a complete false depiction of reality.

front of the card.
my children hate life. as you can see.

and back of the card.

and just some extras for your viewing pleasure.

no we do not own a classic mercedes. said like MER-THEY-DEZ.

here's a great one of me looking really awesome. like a chipmunk or something. i can't explain why i make weird faces...except that i just get so uncomfortable in front of the camera that my face doesn't know what to do. and so it makes a chipmunk face.

and no, that is not a milk dud nesting upon my breasties. that is a mole. that i have since had removed. much to my sister's dismay. she loved to make fun of my mole. in the middle of conversations she would yell, MOLE! which i take as more jealousy than anything. when i had it removed she was like, wow, do you feel like a person without that thing? like did you lose weight? and so on and so forth. but it didn't hurt my feelings. i put the mole under her pillow to teach her a lesson. ok that's really gross that i wrote that. i will stop.

anyways, all that to say...merry christmas, intranets! may your holidays be mole free.

rest in peace, memories.

2011-12-19T05:27:00.000-08:00

the winner of the blog book is mrs. gumshoe! so email me within a week or i will pick someone else. yay!
**********

a lot of people temper some of their blog posts with a line like... now this will be a boring post for all of you...but i HAVE to post about my kids. i've probs said something like this too. but let us all stop that. blogging is great for showing off crafts and creativity, but it is also a place for memories to go and be safe.

let them rest in peace.
the mundane and real life. the sports teams and the christmas programs. these should be remembered.

and, FYI, these are the best posts actually.
this is what i want to remember the most.

yes i want my kids to see that i loved being creative. that i loved making things. that i loved throwing parties. that i had a mustache. those are all important things.

but mostly i want to them to see that i loved them. and that i loved their christmas programs.

and that i knew you were uncomfortable in your "mommy scarf". because it was mine. you told me it was itchy a million times and thought about taking it off in the middle of the program. ya, i saw that.
and also i know that other kids had cooler scarves that actually matched. that their mothers didn't find at the bottom of the winter box the night before.

that even though i thought it was funny when you said, we're shooting farts! i still had to act offended and correct you.

no potty talk, except with grandpa. you know the rule.

thanks nato, for taking that picture.

so there you go. kindergarten christmas program 2011. you practiced so hard all week and you rocked it.

p.s. yes the children are warped in these pictures because i'm learning how to use my wide angle lens and also i am too lazy to crop them out.

crafternooning. another inexpensive gift to give.

2011-12-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

so lila and i have been crafting together lately. i give her a project and i do my project. not really, these projects were done on different days...i only wish i were that organized.

Qtips sent me some Qtips. i know, it's crazy. but they did. so they were like, share some fun Q-tip ideas. and i was like...ok, here are my ideas.

you could clean betwixt your toes. this is an overly underlooked area for cleaning. and side note, i got my moles checked the other week and the lady looked between my toes to find moles. like, if i had a mole in there, i would have told you. and she checked a lot of other "areas" that i wasn't prepared for and it was embarrassing. so i don't want to talk about it. all you need to know is that i was sweating profusely and also that i was making awkward conversation. and also that she looked IN MY BUTT CHEEKS. {butt}like i said, i don't want to talk about it. pun intended.

another creative idea you could have is to just stain a whole piece a furniture with Qtips. rest assured, no area will be unstained. it will be very thorough. like when doctors do a mole check. or something. awkward.

yes, brilliant ideas. i know. sarcasm oozing.

or you could have your little children paint with the Qtips. that is actually a great idea.
and fun. and lila really did love this.

so now i bring you the crafternoon i did. Monogrammed dish towels. little to no sewing, uhthankyou.

grab some fabric, a plain dishtowel, some heat and bond fabric adhesive, and maybe some needle and thread.

for the letter template...i lit-ra-lee googled "the letter P" and found the font i liked.

then you trace your letters onto the fabric...INVERTED. because you'll flip these over.

then you're going to iron on the adhesive paper backing to the fabric. there will be instructions on your heat and bond. you can find this stuff at walmart or any craft store. it will have instructions on it if you're feeling confused. very easy though.

who can come up with what this acronym means?

cut your letters out. and then peal the backing off.
then iron it onto the dish towel.
you can stitch around the edges.

and there you go. a super cute little gift for the holidays. to give with your cookie dough to go!

i leave you with this. lila ate the paint. what?

you should know that I was provided with Q-tips cotton swabs® and information about the product by RocketXL. All opinions are 100% my own.

gift idea: cookie dough to go.

2011-12-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

ho ho ho, i bring you cookie dough to go.
BAM. rhyming skillzzzzzz to the max! in your face, players.

you know how sometimes i like to start my posts off by rhyming? well, it's really dumb. but for some reason, i can't stop.

moving on. here is a fun and easy gift giving option for those of you who would love to not spend a ton of money but also give a gift that keeps on giving. as in...a muffin top. who doesn't want/need a muffin top around the holidays? it's so festive. or something.

cookie dough to go!

i stole this idea from our best bites... a favorite food blog. they posted it last year and it has been stuck in my brain all year. not on pinterest. IN MY ACTUAL BRAIN. let that sink in for a moment.

so just make your dough. here are my go-to recipes.
oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
double chocolate chip cookies (double this one to bake it into 4 packages)

don't use margarine. please. don't profane the cookies.

just divide up your dough.

then put what looks like a poop load onto some plastic wrap. i'm sorry i had to use that term, but it just looks a little weird.

so wrap this well and then roll it in some parchment paper. i secured the paper down with scotch tape.
tie the ends with bakers twine or ribbon.

make a cute label

or you can just use my design HERE. i took my name off it, don't you worry. print away!
i forgot to write on the instructions to slice into 8 cookies. those will be large...but again, we're giving the gift of a muffin top and this will take large portions. it will make 12 normal sized cookies...but then you would need to bake them for 10 minutes instead.

decraytin' the tree and giving away something.

2011-12-06T20:08:00.000-08:00

you know how i always say you should blog and tell your story? even things that may not seem important. or that may get no comments. or may be embarrassing. or may be ugly?

or that even if you do the same tradition every year and take pictures every year, you should still post? i.e. decraytin' the tree.
here we are again...everyone's a little taller! whew!

but these are our memories and this is our story. and it's good to document your life for your kids. and actually for you. because you don't sleep, silly. you'll forget!

(penelope was the first choice for the tree topper)

i've said, no more lost stories.
be a good steward of your families memories.
blaa, blaa, blaa.

well even though i've been a total slacker lately, i still believe this. on that same note, i still believe you should be commenting on your friend's blogs and encouraging them...hey! i read this! keep writing! your story is so important! instead of being jealous or rolling our eyes at one another. we say, look at the perfect mom over there...ugg...i hate her. instead of saying, awesome job being a mom!thanks for the ideas! we don't say that because we are self consumed. let us look outside of ourselves. and lets stop being jealous and mean. let's be encouragers.

so ya, i believe that. even though i have not even looked at people's blogs this week. and therefore have not commented. blogger forgive me, for i have sinned.

but i have really sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally just unbusied my days during this month. and it's been really great. i am still working on being present though. it seems like days get away from me because i'm still stuck in overload busy mode...it's hard to break this habit. but i'm not really crafting as much. and we're doing advent stuff every night. i'm doing shopping online mostly. no lines and crowds. awwwwww....sigh....so nice.

i crave those Jesus-ee christmas carols. on our radio stations we get mostly the santa jams and how last christmas i gave you my heart... i want something more.

so ya, it kind of feels weird.

wait, it kind of feels great.

will i do this every year, probs not. so i'm just going to try and bask in this...or something deep like that. basking... meditating... reiterating... wait, that last one didn't fit.

so in honor of posting the mundane. the non-interesting to others outside your fam. and valuing the everyday moments. i bring to you a modern day gift of myrrh and incense. in the form of a blog book giveaway. BLOG2PRINT is giving one of you a voucher for a blog book. the voucher is for $40...which will get a 60 page hardcover or 90 page softcover book.

(here's where nato brings out some tool that's extremely loud to cut the top of the tree when i'm pretty sure scissors would have worked in this situation. or sheers. or something that wouldn't ruin the christmas spirit of it all.)

the thing i love about blog2print is that it does all the work for you. you dont have to design it like the other companies...and although that has it's perks, it's way to time consuming for me. this program just sucks everything out of your blog and slaps it into a published piece of art. so gratifying when that baby comes in the mail. all your memories packaged neatly. put on a shelf to be read over and over again for years to come and hopefully generations.

so to enter this giveaway, you simply leave a comment repenting for not blogging more(ha) and saying what your favorite ornament is. yes. spill it.

i won't say you have to follow this blog to enter. i only want you to be here if you want to be here.

FYI, shipping for blog2print books is as follows if you're trying to order for a christ has gift:

For December 23rd delivery, order by 3pm (ET) on:

12/8 with Upgraded Ground

12/13 with Express 2-day Shipping

12/14 with Express 1-day Shipping

now go TELL YOUR STORY!

christmas decór around here.

2011-12-02T12:19:00.000-08:00

i put a little accento on the O to show how fancy we are at my house.
NOT.
we are going low key this year, actually.

so these decorations are basically recycled from last year. recycling is all the rage...so i'm going green on recycling my ideas this year. there will always be new and better. and thanks to pinterest you can find the newest and trendiest and then never make the bazillion ideas you've pinned. (i have a love hate relationship with pinterest).
so is this the trendiest wreath you'll find? no. it was IN last year...probs out this year. but i don't care. i heart it.

paper wreath.

ornaments from the chandelier. greens and naturals and SHINY. that's my go to for christmas decorating.

stockings from pottery barn because we bought layne one there for his first christmas and now we have to stick with that style. plus, sentimental value is far more valuable than doing the trendiest stocking style this year. oh and plus, i don't sew.

we cut the end off from each christmas tree and put it on the stump. i absolutely love this tradition that nato started our first year.

book paper garland and
book paper flowers from last years crafternoons. it still works great this year.

and this year we are amping up advent with a jesse tree. i didn't make all these ornaments, a group of 25 women from our church each made 25 of the same ornament and then we all traded. twas a magical idea.

and i know you're saying...it's too late to do advent!(insert lone tear running down your face). but last year, i wasn't on the ball and we did 12 days of advent instead of the full month and it was great. i made numbered book paper rings and a scavenger hunt after each advent devotional.

i even made a little guide here. it's full of misspellings and what not, but it will get you by!

if you want a great advent guide and devotional for free, this one by ann voscamp is fabulous. or just crack open the jesus storybook bible and read the corresponding bible stories to a traditional advent guide. this will work great for toddlers.

for other chritmas decorations...

here are my recycled ideas from last year:
glitter pine cone ornaments

book paper ornaments:

a branch tree

ohhhhkay. that should keep you busy for a while.

a tradition ripped from my soul. or something dramatic.

2011-11-26T14:02:00.000-08:00

every year we get to spend thanksgiving with both sides of the family. it's so great and we feel lucky.

the problem is, i bring my camera to both thanksgivings...but by the time we get to the nato side...i basically am exhausted and forget to take pictures. you would enjoy seeing the craziness and the food. i have no idea what some of the food was or what it contained. but don't worry, i don't try any of that because i have the tastebuds of a toddler/layne. AND...amelia makes lasagna every year and i partake in that. there's turkey too, but i love amelia's lasagna. so anyways, i'm sorry natos. i love you just as much. i swear.

so mema and grandpa came in to town.
meet them now. on the intranet.

grandpa

mema

mema asked me to take a picture of just her. and i thought that was sweet. she said...i have no pictures of just me. you got it, mema.

now here are some pictures of their off spring:

they are still nerdy. as you can see. my mother is the one doing the high kick. classy.

there are 4 other sibs not in the picture. mema and grandpa were apparently love birds... but i guess that's what happens when you get married when you're 16. yes. 16. wow. how many 16 year olds do you know that could manage a household well? i'm pretty sure i was playing boggle in my basement and/or complaining about one of my siblings eating all the cinnamon toast crunch when i was that age.

i love these pictures of grandpa and lila playing power rangers.

lila stayed with grandpa for like an hour doing this. so funny.

as per tradition we went to cut down a christmas tree the day after thanksgiving. what will really take the wind out of your sails would be when mom says, i'm just going to get one of these soft trees at the front...already cut. but we can pretend to look for a tree. hence: this picture.

the children resorted to playing with bottled juices. BOTTLED JUICES!, i say to you.
it was a sad, sad day in christmas world.

and we drug our poor babies out in the cold. everyone was very confused. people were crying softly and the wind blew harshly upon their red faces. and for a moment...just a moment...the angels stopped singing and a kitten died somewhere in the world.

ok, i'm being dramatic. but that's what it feels like when a tradition gets ripped from your soul. MOTHER.

but nato got to smoke his pipe. and that's what really matters.

and zach did too.

so nerdy. and cancerous. but what do i know. D.A.R.E. to stay of drugs, nato and zach.

i will leave you with this little nugget. you will say...what is happening here? were children hurt? no, it was for a funny christmas card my aunt was making her children do. go with it.

pregnancy testing in public.

2011-11-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

you know how people don't keep track of their period and then they always think they're pregnant? no? that's just me probably. one would think since i pee on a stick about every month, i would say to myself...let's mark this ditty on the calendar and save yourself from being super paranoid constantly.

but no. i must torture myself.

so since i use pregnancy tests often, i buy them at the dollar store. i'm not trying to spend $10 per test. the cheap-o ones have worked properly every time. one thing (now that i think about it) that you shouldn't buy at the dollar store are condoms. quality is key on the prevention side, my friends. that is a side note.

so i sometimes go to this super trashy dollar store because it's a little bit closer than the "nice" dollar store. anyway, at the ghetto dollar store, it always looks like they've been burglarized. but they haven't. no, people just leave stuff laying around and the staff doesn't feel the need to "tidy up" or "be a good business". why? because people will always come to the dollar store because...well...everythings a damn dollar. it's amazing.

on that note, when we first got married, i introduced nato to the dollar store. he went with me ONE time and literally, every 2 minutes asked...
is this a dollar too?
that's weird, it's seems like this should be more than a dollar.
hey babe, do you think this really is a dollar?

since then, he waits in the car.

but anyways back to the story. i go into the dollar store and i'm like, scavenging the health isle for prego tests but can't find any. then i remember. at this dollar store, they keep them behind the counter because people steal them so much. naturally.

i remember this because last time i bought them there, the lady was like...why are you buying 10 of these? first of all, just let me buy what i want to buy...i mean who cares. of course i made up a story. oh these are for some gag gifts...
TO MYSELF. haha, self! isn't that funny that you don't keep up with your period?...you could be pregnant. LOL!
not.

so i go up to the sweet old lady behind the counter who reminds me of my sweet mexican friend nancy farren. but 30 years older. and her fingernails are like...out of control long and painted bright red. here is truly our conversation:

hi baby doll, what can i do for you today?

oh. um.
this is where i kind of whisper because there's three people in line behind me. the store is hoppin'!
do you guys have pregnancy tests back there?

no, honey we are out.

oh ok...

well let me see if we have some in the back.

what happens here is basically the opposite of what i thought was going to happen.
much like when your mother tells you to tell the rest of the kids that it's time for dinner. and you stand there in front of her and yell, KIDS! mom says it's timmmmmme for dinner!
and your mom looks at you like...seriously...i wanted you to go upstairs and tell them.

except i'm in the dollar store. in the outside world.
with a long line behind me and the sweet mexican granny yells,
DaDreena!

(DaDreena is unpacking boxes across the store. literally across the store on the far away wall. and no, i'm not making up her name.)

she yells back...WHAT!

at this point i wish you could see my face. a car wreck is about to happen and i'm just going to stand there and watch it.

DO WE HAVE ANY PREGNANCY TESTS IN?

WHAT?!

DO.
WEEEEEEE.
HAVVVVE.
ANY.
PREGGGGNANNNNCEEEEE TESTS IN?

complete silence throughout the store.

everyone in the building has now focused attention on me. i'm an open person in general, so it wasn't a huge deal. but i mean, c'mon. this only happens in the movies.

DaDreena (or was it DaTina?) casually says, nope, we're out.

now pan in on my face for a minute. my head is cocked to the side a little and i have stopped breathing. i took a picture with my phone just now so you can kind of see what i'm talking about.

well thanks for checking.

and i exit. silently. and with shame. even though i'm married and have nothing to be ashamed about.

i mean, i was thanking the Good Lord I didn't go in there for hemorrhoid cream or something. which i also love. not really. but i mean, what if i did...would they yell that? of course she would. nothing is sacred in the dollar store. if you're going to shop there, be proud of your discounts. trade in your dignity and get yourself some off brand ziploc bags!
hello. sign this gal up. anything for a bargain. wait, what?

so ya. that happened.
as it turns out. i'm not pregnant. see here is a real, non-dollar store test to prove it.

phew!

if you were on instagram you would know this already. duh.

happy thursday/friday everyone. may your days be full of dollar stores and embarrassment!

make your own chapstick. make yourself richer.

2011-11-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

ok so a little biz-nass before we move on to glorious chapstick,
i believe i've been nominated for the blog guidebook's top blogs...

do i know what this means? not really. i don't even know if it's important. the competitive side in me wants to win. and if i do win, i promise to put dr. pepper in all the school's water fountains!
so if you want, please vote for me here. i think the poll closes in two days. so do this now.

moving on!

i had an excruciatingly gratifying experience the other day when i made my own chapstick. not the making the chapstick part per se. but the part where i went around and found every tube of half used chapstick and filled it up with my science experiment. i could hear dollar bills in the background. i don't know what dollar bills sound like, but i think i was trying to say that could hear the cash register sound. that is neither here nor there. let's talk about how to make this.

i found this recipe and instructions at passionate homemaking.

it takes 3 simple ingredients. or in-gree-dee-enths.

2 TBSP pure beeswax
2 TBSP pure coconut oil(not from the cooking isle, but from the skin care isle)
2 TBSP pure shea butter
(really your measurements don't have to be exact)

you will find these things online or at your local whole foods/hippie establishment. ask the weird lady that works in the skincare/medicine isle and she'll help you. (they always are so strange in that section...are they not?)

i bought the huge block of beeswax, because it was so pretty. my husband is cringing as he reads that...he's all like, quit going over budget at whole foods. that's like saying jami, quit growing a mustache. it's impossible.

but the point of all that is, you can just buy the sticks of beeswax for cheaper.

instructions:
in a double boiler, melt all this shiz together.

(yes, my tea pot and stove is nasty. and yes, those are double choco chip cookies in the background. are you jeal? this is a real kitchen people. i cook here and i make messes.)

wow. that was incredible. because that's all you do. melt it and stir it with a metal spoon(it will stick pretty fiercely to wooden spoons).

if you're like, what's a double boiler...it's just so you don't burn your ingredients. put a glass bowl over a boiling pot of water. don't fill the water in the pot all the way, you don't really want it touching your glass bowl. but i mean, if it does, you'll still be ok.

ok now, once it's melted, still keep it on the pot. your chapstick will set very fast if you take it off the heat while filling.

then steal one of your kids medicine droppers(it will get ruined, so keep that in mind). and fill each container with the beeswax stuff. i actually used a different one than shown. the one with the rubber top that you smooth and when you let it go, it sucks stuff up. what do you call those?

and drop it in your containers. i bought these online(from a place called widgets. they are aluminum bead containers). they are teensy. and apparently for storing beads, but they work great and are cheaper than chapstick tubes.

when the chapstic dries, it will shrink and make a divit on the top, so once it's dry, fill it back up with more.

and ta-da! look, you're awesome. you made chapstick.

i gave these as party favors at the bee shower.and everyone gave me hell about it because they thought that maybe it took me forever? no, it didn't.

the only problem is, i have a ton of beeswax left. what to do, what to do. looks like i'll a)make more chapstick or b)put it on the bottom of my surfboard to make me go faster(i just love surfing in kansas!) or c) put it in my chocolate candy this year instead of paraffin. which is disgusting i know, but it makes the chocolate so crunchy. and also probably clogs arteries... wait, what? whatever.

i think these would be great little gifts to your friends over the holidays though. cheap and simple and something everyone needs. plus, you're giving them the gift of chemical free lips. and i think we can all agree that that's pretty much everyone's goal in life. am i right or am i right?

and FYI, this chapstick is magical. i love it. it's the perfect texture... been using it all week and have no complaints.

heather's bee shower. and shower boots.

2011-11-14T05:16:00.000-08:00

heather is one of my good friends.
what makes this shower, like, super wonderful is that heather waited a long time to have a baby. not on purpose. they tried to have a baby. couldn't. then adopted a sweet girl 4 years ago, took a break, then started some treatments after that. it didn't work. they tried and waited and tried and waited and it wasn't working. but this one awesome time, it did work.

and Heather got preggars.

and so we celebrate. heather will bring a baby boy into the world very soon.
and he will BEE very loved. did you even see that transition, people?
can you BEE-lieve that awesome pun?

first, meet heather and all the lovely hostesssssessssess for this wonderful occasion.
kristin F, Kristen L, (yes, there are 800 kristin's )Kristin L, christine and jessie(who do not blog, for shame!)

and also, they are all basically wearing the same boots. these are called "shower boots". you must wear them to showers and stuff. as the title suggests. ok, not really... but they should be called that. actually, i decree this now. on the interwebs. SHOWER BOOTS.

NNN-EEEE-WAYS, let's talk about a bee themed shower, shall we?

the fabric for the tablecloths is michael miller fabric. grey and yellow polka dots and yellow and white chevron.

i made these POM balls, have you heard of them? SLOL(seriously laughed out loud). ok, a little over done, but have you seen POM bee puffs? i think not. i added some wings and a stinger and called them bees...and they became bees, because, again...i hath decreed it on the interwebs.

(i did feel a touch awkward looking at the bee from this angle)

a sweet yarn wrapped letter B.
B for BEE,
a B for Boy,
and B for first letter of her babers name.
the stars collided and we picked the perfect B(ee) theme!

someone tell me what these flowers are called? they are dried, yellow, beautiful things and i don't know the name of them.

and yes those are shower curtains in the entry. thank you jessie for not taking baths.

and i did make nato put paper on the water bottles with me. but don't tell anyone i told you that.

also, i felt like my plates on the wall were out of character for the theme. OH NO. not on my watch. so i just traced the plates with paper, cut them out, and put them right over the plate. of course i stamped them...because...well, i love stamps. buy them when you see them on sale. do this or we can't be friends.

i mean, how cute is this banner that Kristin F made? in a world where pennants are over done, this banner is such a great change.

the menu:
a waffles bar(waffles were gluten and dairy free) and INSANEly delicious. my mother is genius.

a yogurt bar

cinnamon rolls(have you had the canned cinnamon rolls from whole foods? OMG. love them. i've eaten 3 today. father forgive me for i have sinned.)

fruit: a baby carriage fruit situation! so cute.

kristen L, you rocked this.
and we also had egg casseroles but i didn't take pictures of them because... i mean, who even likes eggs? ok, everyone...including me. i just forgot. deal with it. sorry kristin L and F.

and for party favors, i made chapstick. what? you think that's crazy. well it's not. you can make your own on the cheap. and i shall blog this later and you will snort with delight because it's so easy. thanks christine for meticulously cutting out bees while our kids watched shows. i mean, played educational games while praying.

we also gave honey sticks for favors. apparently people eat these at farmers markets and fairs...i have never had one. still won't. listen, if i'm going to eat sugar it's obviously going to be in the form off a cinnamon roll or snickers bar.

we had a lot of fun. i think i speak for all of the hostesses-essess, when i say, we loved honoring heather at the shower. she is a good friend to have, she has a joyful spirit, and a love for dogs that can not be matched. (ok she hates dogs)

happy baby, heather!

why we keep talking about the affair.

2011-11-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

i keep feeling like i should post about the affair. i have a lot to say about affairs in general...but nato and i have really entered into a season of gratefulness. for each other. for almost losing our family, but then having it saved. so there hasn't been any real drama to write about. that's usually when i write.

usually. but i still need to write what's going on in our hearts in dealing with the affair. i don't want to forget this part.

sometimes i look over at nato across the room. any room. and he's staring at me and smiling.
and he'll be like, i love you.
and i'll be like, babe, stop it. nerd.
but i'm blushing, you know.

and sometimes we lay in bed and he'll try and make out with me...and i'll be like, babe. stop it. can we do it tomorrow? i promise we'll do it tomorrow. not really...that never happens. ha.
but seriously, we'll be laying there and he'll be like, can you believe how lucky we are?

and i can't believe it.

i can't believe that we dedicated penelope at church a couple sundays ago. it was crazy standing up there in front of everyone and promising to do our best to bring up penelope to know and love Jesus. it was crazy because penelope is not supposed to be here. we're not supposed to be up there with her. we're not supposed to be enjoying that creature. that turtle-ee creature.

but we are. and it's insane. because a couple years ago, i thought we were getting divorced. i resolved myself to being a single mom and i began planning my life as such...with me and layne and lila. and we would be ok, but we would be broken. my heart ached because i wanted to change that. but i knew i couldn't. it was over.

the strangest part about this, is that a couple of months later, nato would be back in our home. playing with the kids on the floor while i made dinner. we would both be a lot skinnier and have 200 more grey hairs, but we were back together. we knew it was crazy. how do you recover from something like that? my answer is that it's basically impossible. humanly impossible.

i mean, it's not like we were doing nothing to aid recovery. please. we were in counseling 2 and 3 times a week. together and apart. we were going to marriage conferences. nato was repentant and telling me the truth. finally. we were meeting with couples who had been through affairs and made it. we were getting to know each other again. i was screaming and yelling at him and he was saying, i deserve that. i'm sorry. i love you. i'm not going to leave. it was gut wrenching and hard, but we sprinted out of the shit because we had sat in it for too long and it was awful. we ran to the light.

we were experiencing the Gospel in a tangible way. and it was good.
and that is our prayer for penelope and all our kids. Lord, let them experience the Gospel in a tangible way.

but it wasn't us making it work. it was God. he had redeemed our marriage and we couldn't be quiet about it. we still can't.

people ask why we keep talking about it? like, ok...stop telling us details...it's embarrassing for you.

well we aren't in this to look good or to "save face". we don't care to keep it secret. what holds us back from letting the secret out? really, ask yourself. because you care about what others will think of you. not what God thinks of you. we care about glorifying ourselves, not glorifying Christ. we are unsure where our identity lies, and so we hold back for fear that God is not bigger than our secret.
(no, i'm not saying everyone has to lay their crap out on the intranet)

did you know that statistics show 60% of marriages will go through this at some point? laugh at that number. say, not us!
but it's everywhere and it's damaging souls. and when i was desperate to find a blog that talked about this. i found one. one out of 156million blogs, and i found one lady that was telling the truth about her husband's affair on the interweb. and i can't even remember her blog, but it gave me a lot of hope. she told details and some of them were terrible, but they needed to be said. and details were important for me because i found myself in bits and pieces of her story. i said, me too. it's not my same story, but i get exactly what she's saying. i didn't feel so alone.

we want to never forget the magnitude of what God has done for us, in the details of our mess or in the grand scheme of things. we want people to see our story and praise God. we want to give people hope that their marriage can recover. that God is bigger than your mess.

just look at penelope.

p.s. do you know what her name means? we named her penelope last minute(literally). after we named her, we googled what her name meant. it means faithfulness, specifically in the marital sense. God is IN.SANE. ..ly wonderful.

(you can read more about our marriage and the affair in the marriage time on the sidebar)

a ninja, turtle, and a peanut walk into a bar...

2011-11-02T17:49:00.000-07:00

it just sounds like the beginning of a joke or something. but this is not a joke, this is real life, my friends.

it is also real life that i am typing this with one hand, while unwrapping some snickers with my other hand. with occasional help from my toes. i feel like i go a little crazy on the candy on halloween. why? well, i didn't grow up celebrating halloween because as you all know, my parents were mean. haha. not really, but they were just doing what they thought was right. now look at them...walking around with my kids yelling trick-or-treat! i love satan! not really. my moms going to send me an angry text for writing that.

growing up, we celebrated "Lord of the Harvest". which was like a halloween carnival for church-ee people. and was shockingly similar to celebrating halloween. with biblical costumes though. and a few witches...but those were people who didn't get the secret memo and were frowned upon and judged as they were having fun getting their face painted with a bible on it. but whatever.

so back to the costumes. audrey(my sis) and i decided george would be charlie brown and lila would be his side kick lucy. or is it his nemesis?

i made this costume out of a big t-shirt, and then i ironed on some fabric. easy. took me 10 minutes. and it kind of shows...SLOL. (seriously laughed out loud)

here my dad is trying to teach lila to hold the football in place for george. to get royally screwed.

it kinda looks like the show, huh?

my dad dressed up as a guy that is flipping a house down the street. oh wait. he is. nice sweats.

and here is the only picture of george and lila together because they were too busy running around. making each other scream.

anyway, then we thought it would be funny to have the little babers dress as peanuts. get it? well, audrey sewed the "peanut" costumes, which actually turned out to be biblical character costumes. i mean, what are the odds of that happening? high. very high...when you don't sleep.

i mean, you have to give it to audrey, she's sewing these things when she had a newborn. which is dumb and i tried to talk her out of it. so of course, she probably thought they were amaze-balls as she sewed them and then the next morning realized they didn't look like peanuts at all. they looked like ye shepherd children of old. so whatever, the Lord willed it and so it was.

except that i think the angels also smiled upon me the night before halloween when i was at target buying pull-ups and 15 other items i didn't need. as i passed an endcap, i saw a turtle costume. my heart jumped because, as you know, i birthed a turtle named penelope. so it was perfect.

except the costume was for dogs.

but this is neither here nor there. i still bought it, as penelope is the size of a medium to large dog... as fate would have it.

and layne was a ninja. i tried to get him to be snoopy, but he was like...pshhh, no way, i'm bein' a black ninnnnnnnnja, mom.

yes, that is a shin guard on his arm.

as fate would also have it, we had all this stuff in our house for this costume. PTL.

here are all three of the nuggets together.

and here the kiddos are getting candy. except this house was handing out beers to the neighbors too. now that's classy.

and as if this weren't already too many pictures...please enjoy one more turtlee-turtle face bidding you farewell.

happy sweet treats day! aka halloween.

perfect kid gift idea. boy or girl. BAM.

2011-11-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

ok so i know what you're thinking...where are my children dressed up in all their glory? i'm giving you a break from cute kids today. but i will say, i've eaten, like 5 fun size snickers bars and some twix and a reeces. which is the equivalent to 3 normal size candy bars. now, in real like i would be appalled if anyone did this.i would judge them and say, i would never do that. BUT, since people get away with all sorts of weird things on halloween, it seemed fun. and acceptable. and also there is candy everywhere i turn. oh and i have no self control.

(side note, why in the H do we all think it's fun to eat things that look like body parts and laugh when we see someone looking dead? BECAUSE IT"S HALLOWEEN!! yeah! dead people and body parts! HOORAY!! ok, sorry. it's just such a weird day.)

anyshways, i saw this on (i think) jones design. it's such a great birthday gift for little people. we are in the fort making stage over here, so when i saw this, i thought...yes, brilliant. plus i can kind of get my craft on but it doesn't take but TEN MINUTES TO MAKE. start to finish.

so when i see sheets in a bag on clearance at target, i buy them. even when they aren't on clearance, i think you can get them for around $12. just keep an eye out, because i bought these for $4. that's right, a $4 gift.

FORT KIT instructions

so you just take the flat sheet out. i know, why is this in the instructions. i don't even know.

keep the fitted sheet and make forts of your own...the elastic is great for around chairs! or keep for when your manchild pees the bed like every night. i mean, i'm not saying any names...

moving on, on each corner sew some ribbon. i hand stitched these and i think it'll be ok? hmm. we'll see. ha.

the stitching is ugly, because that's my style. so i covered it up with some buttons. toats optional.

put in some reinforcements, which are some clothes pins.

and then you put everything back in the bag and print off or write a label. layne decorated it, uhthankyou.

a flash light would have been a perfect addition here, but i was LIT-RA-LEE going to the party in 30 minutes, so i didn't have time to get one. so sue me.

anyway, it was a smash hit. even with the little girls at the party!

do this or we can't be intranet friends.
------

and also, the winner of the doll giveaway never emailed me...so i picked a new winner. you snooze, you lose. soooooo, the winner is: the kansas city hoovers! email me.

it's bizness time.

2011-10-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

so do you know i take pictures like... professionally? weh-hellll i do. and if you're in the kansas city area we're running a session sale.

and if you want to win a session,
enter over HERE on the photog blog

here are some of my faves this past couple of months...

how can this next picture not make you laugh. i heart this baby.

ok, picture overload. sorry. i just get excited sometimes.

phyllo dough. i feel you, yo.

2011-10-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

i don't know about the title, but i was really into rhyming at that moment and i went with it. below are two recipes that i used phyllo dough in and LOVED. i think you will too.

so i made these phyllo dough chicken pot pie pockets. i know, try saying that 5 times fast. you cussed accidentally, didn't you.

i saw this idea on a cooking show, except she did this with pastry dough and i didn't have any. so i chose to use what was in my freezer and the Lord smiled upon my cheapness. because this is dee-licious. and it will be a go-to dinner for the fall and winter.

SO...here's what you need:

chicken pot pie pockets

1package of phyllo dough
1 cup of chopped carrots
1 cup of chopped celery
1 medium onion, copped
2 regular sized cloves of garlic
2 chicken breasts, boiled until cooked
3/4 cup of chicken water/stock(reserved from boiling chicken)
1 tsp (or more)dried sage
1 tsp (or more) dried thyme
salt to taste
pepper to taste

go ahead and chop up all that celery though...and just freeze. it can go in soups later in the month.

and here's what you do:
boil chicken breasts. i just halfway fill up a pan with water and sprinkle some salt in there...then throw the chicken in and let it boil for like 20 minutes.

save one cup of the water the chicken was boiling in.

in a saucepan, melt one TBSP of butter and add onions and garlic until onions are see-through and tender. i also salt this a little.

add your chopped veggies in the skillet with 3/4 cup of chicken water. throw in the seasonings...thyme, sage, salt n'peppa, and garlic.

cover and let simmer, stirring occasionally until carrots are tender.

add 1 heaping TBSP flour and stir. let simmer for a couple minutes until most of the stock is gone. you don't want this to be too runny.

ok, so working with phyllo dough can freak people out because it seems like so much work. but it's not a ton of work, it's just takes a little extra time and will be worth it.

the tricky thing is that it can dry out if you don't keep it covered when you're working with it. so just wet a towel and lay it over the part that you aren't using.

so you'll need 5 layers of the dough. separate the sheets of dough and and brush butter or oil betwixt(between...LOL) each sheet.

once you have all five layers down, cut the dough into fours for each pocket.

(make sure that the screw in the pizza cutter is rusty so as to add immense flavor rust shards into the dough)

in the pan, i kind of separated the veggies with the spoon so i know how much to put in each one. i'm not ever this anal about anything...but it's just what i did.

then fold the corners in to make a little pocket. i put a little butter on the ends to help it stick together better.

then bake these bad boys on 375 for 20 minutes. in the last 5 minutes, brush with butter and put back in oven.

soooooooo good!

you can see our dinner and you can see the kids dinner. ha. i did make them eat a couple of bites of the pot pie, don't worry, intranet.

then clean up the pans that your daughter took out of the cabinet. thanks, Lila!

and you will have phyllo dough left over...lots...

so the next night, we had phyllo dough pizza. it was pretty simple...so the layers thing again. phyllo sheet, then butter, then phyllo sheet, then butter...etc.

except in the layers, throw in some parmesean cheese and garlic powder and salt.

i used about 12 layers for this.

(sorry about the ugly photos here...i took the pictures at night because, hello, i'm making dinner)

you then just fold over the corners. butter or oil will help it stick down.

then add your sauce and cheese and bake at 400 degrees.

it was so delicious! nato was raving about it all night. i think cut into small pieces, this would make a great appetizer as well. or make them as pockets like the pot pie, but with pizza. yum.

alright, go make dinner!

getting engaged and tooting in chicago.

2011-10-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

so we went to chicago last weekend. to see one of our best friends propose to his best friend. and it was great. she had no clue it was coming because we entangled her in a web of lies constantly...all of us should win acting awards.

here are the 2 lovebirds.

so we tooted around town for a couple of days. and i mean that literally and figuratively. if this deep dish pizza doesn't give you gas, i don't know what will. but man it was good.

nato was a fart factory after this. but the good thing about being in the city, is no one can hear you tooting, it's so loud. but before you consider moving there just for this reason alone, you must consider the horrific traffic. gag-ola.

we did spend a lot of time in the city...which was amaze-balls (who says that?). we were your typical sightseers, lugging around a big camera, and acting stupid in a major city. the whir and buzz of the city just gave us so much energy. or something.

so here we are being stupid.

and here we are being stupid again. hello double chin action. but who cares...we're about to eat pizza!(said in a chris farley, LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING voice)

all that's missing from these pics is a fanny pack. leather patchwork, of course. actually, i think i may have owned one when they were awesome. i'm waiting for them to come back, but i haven't seen them at forever21 or target(the hubs of all things fashionable...LOL...probs not), so i'm thinking they are out.

we became really stupid when we thought it would be funny to act like nato was running from something. apparently, this is not funny in a large city because people do really get chased. and mugged. so we got a few death stares after nato dodged through people. sorry! we're from the midwest...we do things like this because we think everywhere is perfectly safe!

i chose to simply jump for joy. no one was offended by this. probs because jumping like this is universal language for, i'm in a mentos commercial! fun! doo doo doo doo doooo dooooo dewwwww waaaaa.

we visited the magical whole foods there which was giant. it had a full bar in it. like alcohol, people. everyone's walking around with a beer and a granola bar. i think it might be the secret to happiness and world peace, but i'm not sure.
this pic is from the rooftop of whole foods.

and we visited sprinkles cupcakes. it was really tasty. and even when nato dropped half the cupcake on the chicago cement, i still ate it. because i wanted to really get a feel for the city. and also because i paid almost $4 for the cupcake. so i had no choice.

the best part of the trip was hanging with these guys. but seriously, look at my face in that one picture. wow.

we laugh so hard with these people. we have good, deep conversations. we cry together. we lie to them all weekend and pretend like they're going to get engaged in a couple months...not this weekend. oh, well that was just you courtney. surprise, you're getting married!

what a fun trip.

these pictures lead us to many more questions than answers. for instance:
why was jeremy not able to put his bagel down for pictures?
why am i making that ugly face in the last picture?
why is nato eating courtney's ring? or is she punching him?
why does ashley's finger look weird?
why are jon lemmon's arms so long?

to many more trips and laughs and tooting in a big city. cheers.

you can see the ACTUAL PROPOSAL(shriek with delight!) on the parson's photog blog. stunning pictures.

* also, thanks guys for the sweet words on the last post. it was good to just get it off my chest and move forward.

a really weird weekend. where i cried. and figured stuff out.

2011-10-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

*winner of doll giveaway announced at the end*
----------------------

hello, my name is jami and i'm a verbalizer...i type what i think and then i basically just hit publish because i know that it's cemented when i do that. no turning back.

so here i go.

a couple of weekends ago, my husband and i went to what i thought would be a training session for an intense small-group-type-thing called, redemption groups. these groups are based off of this amazing book called, redemption, by mike wilkerson.

read.
this.
book.

redemption groups would be a place where people come who are going through something intense and need a place to work on their issue...like things that a normal small group maybe wouldn't be able to handle. eating disorders, addictions, affairs, trauma, disfuntions...you get it? for instance, a couple of years ago, when nato and i were going through his affair, they would have taken us out of our normal small group and placed us in one of these groups. it would have been a great help to us. kind of like group therapy.

so we get there and they say, we can train you best in what these groups do, by just making you all be the participants in a typical group.
i'm like...great. i love group stuff. this doesn't scare me. wait, what are we doing?

there were only 5 couples there...so after we learned some key points from the book, we broke up into small groups. girls and guys. all married. some with kids, some without. all pretty young.
the instructions are:
in 10 minutes, tell your entire story. but start with your story now. what's going on in your heart now. then work backwards from that.

so immediately when i heard those instructions, it threw me off. what is going on in my heart right now, i asked myself. i answered.
i do not know.

i often times go throughout the days not looking at areas of my heart that should be addressed. sometimes i don't even know what's going on because i am caught up in mothering. in cleaning. in planning parties. in life. in worrying. in distractions.

i also need to be honest here and say that this question caught me off guard because i like to just tell my story as it pertains to our marriage. how God has saved it...how my husband had an affair but he's redeemed it and now it's better than it's ever been. but i can hide in that and not tell you what's going on in my heart NOW. my life doesn't revolve around our affair...i mean, it used to, i think. but we tell the story a lot to help others and so it's just my go-to story most of the time.

anyway, some of the girls told their story. these are normal girls who are solid in their faith...but taking time to look at the condition of their heart. and i cried with them. i was listening to their story and did not think about my own. they addressed issues of the heart and i was asking them questions. i was caught up in their stories and learning more about them. tears rolling down my cheeks.

and i had no idea what i would say. i know that i am a verbalizer and so i thought, what in the hell is going to come out of my mouth. it will be filterless. shit. am i going to be embarrassed of myself for saying too much? what am i going to even say here. in that moment, i felt like i was losing control and it made me very uncomfortable.

it came to my turn. i was silent first. then i repeated the question out loud. like i was in a spelling bee or something. yes, exactly like that including how nervous they look and how you can see their brain turning just from looking in their eyes.

what is going on in my heart right now?

well. i am having a hard time with lila not being "normal". i want to control her. i want to google enough checklists at night before bed to make sure she's not autistic. i want her to talk faster than she does and develop faster. and yet, she does not. and so i set up more appointments and i think that if i do enough, she'll be ok. and people won't think i'm a bad mom because she's not like their daughter.
i go on like this kind of babbling through tears. admitting my arrogance that i thought that i could "do it all" for lila. that i could be her savior, basically.

ok, fine...at this point i'm sobbing. i had vomited this chunk of information and i wasn't sure what it sounded like. and i couldn't be eloquent. and it's also not what is expected of me.

i know that i was invited to this group on the merit of the affair. that we had been through this trauma and we could use it to help others.but i just went A-wall on these people and talked about something entirely different. i am perplexed by my tongue and by the darkness of my heart and i, in that moment, cling to the Gospel and say help me, Lord.

it's my favorite prayer when i am overwhelmed. and no one is comforting me or saying, it's ok...this happens to me too. they couldn't, because we had just read these rules before the group started.

wow. no one could comfort me. (here's the rules)

i had to sit there and be uncomfortable and feel the weight of trying to do all this stuff on my own. no distractions. 5 women just staring at me.

they began to ask me questions and dig through my mess with me for a while. one of the questions that hit me most was, i notice that you are sarcastic in conversation...how do you think this plays into control?

damn.

well i control conversations with sarcasm and being funny. it's just worked for me growing up and into high school and into college...and into being a mom. but it's just another way of controlling something. for me at least.

the leader of the group said, what would it look like for you if you didn't have to be sarcastic to control conversations?

and i didn't know. and it scared me because, that's just how i am isn't a valid excuse anymore when God's trying to work on your heart and when you are open to change. and fear of letting go of a crutch is hard.i'm thinking, will people like me if i'm not who they expect me to be? and really the question should be,
where does my hope lie?
where is my identity found?
if Christ will always love me despite my performance, why do i care so much what others think?

(no this probably doesn't mean i won't be sarcastic anymore...but i will ask God to help me stop using it as a control mechanism)

anyway, the weekend continued and God worked on my heart more. it was intense and fast and i knew i needed to process it or as my friend ashley said, those weekend's are hard. because they are so great and so intense but if you don't take time to process it, it's like it never happened.

and i don't want it to be like it never happened. because for a moment, God had my undivided attention and he made me look at my heart and he asked me to change. i want to change my desire to control things that are not in my control and will never be. it is not for me to pretend like i can make my daughter progress the way i think she should. it is not for me to think that i am bigger than God and that i know more than Him.

it just isn't.

she is entirely in His control.

oh. huh. it doesn't all depend on me...that kinda feels great to know that.

so my favorite quote from the weekend...
At your worst, God gives his best.

you're thinking..how's does this pertain to control? it's comforting to me to know that i can be at my worst, but God's work is not contingent upon me. He always gives his best. no matter the situation. it helps me to rest in his control.

anyway, intense huh? did i lose you in those deep thoughts? sorry, processing overload. consider it a crafternoon of the heart.

so ya, take time to let God work on your heart. what are you clinging tightly to? are there things you think you can do better than God?

surrender and repent.

--------------
winner of the dolls! ALISON BERRY. email me!
--------------------

lila's dress up party. and sequence hot pants.

2011-10-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

*i'm so rude and forgot to do the doll giveaway. dang it. next time! i swear...
----
so i had mentioned that september was a crazy month full of parties and anniversaries, so we moved lila's party to october. she has no clue that we're bad parents like that. PTL.
happy birthday, sissy!

so we did a dress up party and i tried to get my google on and find dress up parties to my liking. as it turns out, they are called glam parties and were bedazzled with hot pink and black. it was like i was watching theresa's kids on housewives of new jersey.

i wanted to do opposite of the toddlers n tiara's vibe. so sue me.

don't rub your sweet little toes on the rotting lead paint, children. safety first, i always say. if you know me in real life, you will be laughing at that comment.

so i borrowed some dress up clothes from a friend and i also went to my mom's house...where it's like a thrift store of magic, apparently. for lila's party, i put on a dress from my older sister's wedding like 8 years ago. all i have is a hipstamatic pic of it. i couldn't wear it for longer than 30 minutes because i was sweating profusely.

it's basically, pretty stunning...i think we can all agree.

and YES, you can borrow it.

i know, it's gross. and i wore it in real life... sigh.

back to decorations! i went for a teal, orange, mustard, brown, anti-glam color theme.
deal.with.it.

tower of PB&J's.

i made some cookie sandwiches...mini cookies with icing in between. delicious for breakfast, i might add.

oh, and these drinks are not filled with urine...no, your eyes deceive you. it's apple juice, silly. in those starbucks frappacino drink things that i recycled.

my mom made her amazing cupcakes that she should seriously sell at a bakery. no crisco involved. it never should be involved in icing. BUTTER makes the world go 'round, sayeth the bible. ok it doesn't. but maybe it's in the book of mormon? ok stop being offended. seriously stop. look at the cupcake and try to be mad at me. YOU CAN'T.

i put a little paper dress on these little popsicle stick people (i found at hobby lobby) as cupcake toppers.

here's a little dress garland i whipped up. i just drew the dress and cut it out of scrapbook paper. there are no cute templates of dresses online to trace, which is rude. so jimmy rig it, is what i'm saying to you.

dressing up was fun for the girls...

lila was hilarious and super-cute at her party. just so overwhelmed with excitement... man, i want to be like her when i grow up. she was just a ball of joy.

blowing out candles and eating a cookie at the same time...while drooling is sheer talent.
also side note, we used matches for candles at her last party, so we one-upped ourselves and bought candles this year to bring the classy-ness back.

even though she doesn't have a lot of words, her face said it all. who needs words, anyways?

side note:the boys were in the back doing this...

(oh hey, arle! are you totally crushing?)

when everyone left the party, lila continued to play.

i joined in, although it was hard because i'm so mature. yes, once again, your eyes do not deceive you...those are gold-sequence-hot-pants. my sister wore them as a cheerleader in high school. and this is also one of her tops from cheer-days(skank factor high on both clothing items). i could not zip the back...shocking.
this is an emily anderson pose, btw.

but i'll stop posting pictures of me in shiny underwears because it's so embarrassing.
NOT.
enjoy...

do it yourself foam dish soap. exciting.

2011-10-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

i mean, some posts are more useful than anything else, right? so let us take a break from looking at my children and talk about some good things for your kitchen.

ok, so first of all, probs all of you have those foamy dish soap dispensers you bought full of soap at the store. i love foam dish soap because it lasts way longer. and when you have kids(a.k.a soap wasters), you fully appreciate this invention. along with those little kid-leashes. what? no, i don't have one but now that i have lila...i'm like, yes, that's pretty amazing.

so did you know that you can make your own foamy soap to put back in those little dispensers? and it's so much cheaper. plus you can pick what you put in there. i choose a more natural route. jump on the hippie train. just follow the noise of the tambourine and the smell of incense.

so just use one third soap and two thirds water. 1/3 and 2/3. easy breezy...beautiful... coverrrrgirl. ok, i don't know why i said that but i just kept going.

then add the rest of it with water.
but when you add water in there, leave a little space at the top because you have to shake it all together.

yes, my sink is really dirty. deal with it. it's needs some foam soap, huh?

so i did the math on this. but don't trust me because i had to take college algebra THRICE. who knew that you had to show up to a class to get a good grade. anyway, i use 2 ounces of soap each time to make this. there are 42 ounces in this bag that cost me $4.18.

so it costs me 19 cents for each foam bottle of soap i make. and that thing will last me all month. because i never wash my hands. just kidding. foam just lasts a long time.

um, 'tis all you need to know. go and do this.

wait! there's more!
the other thing i do to save cash money is i don't buy dishwasher rinse aid. white vinegar works great! and it's cheap and natural. like i'm not even going to do the math here because it's obvi that you're saving cash money.

and lastly, anytime i use lemon juice in a recipe, i throw the leftover skin in the dishwasher and it smells so so so good when they are clean.

ok, that's it. do you guys have other tips for the dishwasher that you love?

sharing is caring, players.

ok and i'll post the winner of the dolls next post! "winner of the dolls". it sounds like a bestselling book though.

a little giveaway. if you're into cute, free things.

2011-10-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

please enjoy my children playing with the cute dolls.
as if that wasn't enough of a reward for you, the fine people at north american bear company are giving away one of these babies. literally.

they have tan babies...which was exciting for us because it's hard to find sometimes. every once in a while, i hand stitch dolls, painstakingly for hours and hours...just so they look like my kids. i even dye the fabric with tea. NOT.

so i was super excited when the nice people at NABC (ya, i toats shortened it) asked me if i wanted to do a giveaway. um, yes...these dolls are super soft and super cute and you can pick one that looks like your kiddo.

for now, penelope can use her doll as a teether...until she can really appreciate it. and then she'll be like, why did i chew on that precious doll's head?

and lila can chew on the dolls hair and...well, hmmm, i don't know. why is she chewing her hair? whatevs.

and for your man-children, look at this dinosaur. THAT EATS a caveman and an egg and a tree. it's kind of hilarious and layne gets a kick out of it. the dinosaur even ate penelope's head the other day. luckily, it's just pretend.

it also loves to be tackled.

yes, a grass stain was involved in the tackle.

so if you would like to win a doll or bear of your choice,
make sure that you are indeed a follower
and just leave a comment saying what you would eat if you were a dinosaur. i'm totally serious.

i'll pick the winner the next time i blog. which could be tomorrow or probably not. we'll say it'll be friday or something.

you can find north american bear company on twitter
and the Facebook

doily cupcake holder and how i fell again.

2011-09-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

so this week i discovered audrey's baby shower my mom and i threw her was on ohdeedoh. which is, like, crazy. so ya...kind of cool.

considering this week i was sad because i had to buy nice n' easy to color 200 grey hairs.
oh and speaking of being an old lady, i also fell in a little hole at the park while talking to another mom whom i have never met. i just dropped onto the grass. but i didn't hit the ground...just stuck my butt out. stayed there for like 30 seconds so as not to fall and also to make myself look even more AWKWARD. and the stranger lady was like...oh goodness!

and nato saw me and was yelling things like, STOMP THE YARD! and WHOA, where'd you go?! so that was awesome. and i haven't been able to stop laughing this week thinking of a)how my butt looked just sitting in a lunge position while the lady just watched me. and b)how much joy it brought my husband. his face was filled with delight when i glanced back at him after i fell. i mean, why does my misfortune bring you joy?

moving on.

the real reason i am blogging today is to show you this cute little idea for cupcake holders. even though my icing on these is not picture worthy. just imagine how yours will look better. wait, are you trying to one-up me?

has this been done before, oh intranet, i ask you? probably. but i swear to you, i was trying to make a flower out of the doily and then i was like, this would be so cute on a cupcake.

like for a little girlie baby shower? or a wedding shower? stop it! i want to put a doily on everything.

just cut into a little sad face. obviously, it doesn't have to be perfect. ha.

make sure to fold it at each scallop. it makes them pop more.

then wrap them around the cupcake and tape or hot blue the doily down. tie with some twine or ribbon...even just glue a button on there. cute factor way high on this one, guys.

ok well, that's all i got.

wait, i forgot to show you what i am selectively cutting out of the cupcake picture background. enjoy the 80's johnny jumper.

"the food was coming from their NOSES."

2011-09-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

we put layne to bed tonight and he was over tired and upset about going to sleep. he said,
why are you always judging me?
nato was like, what?
layne crying says, why are you always judging me?

this is a quote from nacho libre. it has nothing to do with anything and made us laugh.
and the music on my blog right now is from the movie if (for some weird reason) you haven't seen this magic.

a couple weeks ago, layne came home from church and said,
can you believe that bread came out of their noses? their NOSES! why did it happen that way?
we're like, why did what happen that way?
when the bread came out of their NOSESSSSSS. i don't know how it happened.

we went back and forth seriously 18 times, not understanding what he was talking about. later that day, i looked in the diaper bag and saw his coloring page. it was a picture of moses. telling the people God provided manna for them to eat when they were in the dessert.

oh my word, we laughed so hard imagining layne sitting there thinking that his sunday school teachers were saying that God provided food for His people and it came out their noses.

also when layne prays, he says,
thank you Lord Jesus for this food. for layners, lila, penelope, huxley, mom and dad. lola,lolo, grams, grandpa. and the Gospital.
which means, the Gospel. but the Gospel is like a hospital if you think about it. ya, i mean, two birds with one stone, right? or something?

we love you layne.

just thought i would share some funny things you say to us.

a note from penelope.

2011-09-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

one thing that i think is nerdy is when you put captions by your baby...pretending like they are saying things that they never said. because babes can't talk, duh. it's very, very nerdy.

and i am going to do it. because i enjoy eating my words daily and it's ok to be a cheesy mom occasionally, or often.

(i toats spelled bald wrong on that pic. lo siento.)

as a gift on this beautiful day...penelope rolled from back to front. she is growing and wonderful and bald.

happy anniversary, babe. i am thankful that God has taken what was so broken and made it better than we can imagine. i can't help but think that if we didn't make it through, we would have never got to meet penelope.

for those of you feeling hopeless in your marriage...God is bigger than your mess. it can be saved.

to read more than you ever wanted to know about our marriage, click on the marriage tab on the side bar.

fallish day-korr. or decor.

2011-09-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

gather 'round little ladies...it's time to talk fall day-Korr. decor, get it? ok, i'll stop with twang. but you know i'm from texas right? i cay'nt help it. ok seriously, that was the last one.

anyway, i decided to cover an orange pumpkin with some burlap. it was so bright...like super fake orange. which is what you get when you buy from the dollar store, but i knew i could crafternoon it. i think it's cute. but you know, it would have just been as cute spray painted white or black. or chalkboard paint. but ya, you're right...it would be hard to write on.

and there she sits.

that giant ball jar is at target for $14. i saw it and had to have it in my cart ASAP and nato was like...wow, another ball jar...
and i was like
ya, i know...but BIGGER. duh.

yes, we've already had a couple of fires. it's been kind of cold at night. and also we just couldn't wait.

some leaf bunting for your A's. that's right, i kind of cussed there.

this little ditty is the table centerpiece. i made nato collect acorns with me when we were on a walk. what i learned from that experience is that he's a poor acorn collector. i think my excitement helped me collect about 8 times as much as he did. actually, now that i think about it, he probably just watched me gather acorns while he played on his phone. hmmmmm.

and here is a little table idea for those soup nights. or thanksgiving. or just when you have some potatoes that are about to be rotten and you feel bad wasting them? i stuck a plant-namer-thing in them and wrote names with dry erase markers. actually, i wrote lila's name with a permanent marker, so that will forever be here place saver. whoops. but odds are you don't have these plant markers, so this could easily be done with a tooth pick and some paper with a name on it. cuteness.

and then after dinner tell people they have to eat their potato because it's wasteful if they don't and it's what they did at the first thanksgiving dinner(which is not true, but said with confidence, surely 3 out of 4 guests will believe you). or just tell them it's dessert. your guests will LOVE YOU. as will their intestines when the take a numero dos later in the middle of the night because of all that roughage.

i should stop at this point. i just grossed my own self out on that one. anywho...can't wait to see how you guys are decorating your digs for fall.

audrey's school themed baby shower

2011-09-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

audrey is due in like 2 weeks. she is HUGE. she's about to explode. are you having twins?! oh my gosh, did you swallow a watermelon! i just thought i would say all that because it's what every pregnant woman wants to hear. NOT. stop saying this people. do you like people commenting on your body changes? no, neither do preggars.

audrey actually is pretty pregnant. the things she says when she's prego, not so much. but we don't live in a perfect world...sigh.

anyway, here's the details of the back to school themed shower...(no audrey is not a teacher...but the shower was in sept, so i thought...back to school is appropriate. and also i just like the theme. so ya.)

red and white striped fabric...left over from layne and penelope's room. from ikea.

i can't stop putting chairs on the tables(remember this baby shower?). we got this orangee-wood desk from a flea market and my dad painted it white. anyway, the cupcakes sat upon this desk.

i'll let you guess what auj is naming her babers.

a little pennant spelling "june". i just printed some letters out, cut circles and pasted them on some paper bag paper. and the triangle part is writing paper.

and yes, we bought some school trays on the intranet. i mean, they are pretty pricey. IF you're only going to use them one time for a shower. but no, my mom had the great idea of using them at thanksgiving too. and i'm going to keep a couple in my cabinets for the kids dinners. they are so fun.

drinks:

water bottles with writing strips on them. i got these at the dollar store! they are great for writing names on. IF people would follow directions. but some of you didn't...you know who you are.
and then little iced coffees just for fun. even though i hate coffee. but aug doesn't. so there.

so here are some food pics. sorry about the lighting...it was an evening shower on a cloudy day. enjoy the yellow glare.

the menu is here:

we set up a long table in the living room for people to sit at. i borrowed these chalkboard placemats from laura. they were at her wedding. which was the cutest.

the party favors were composition notebooks with a pencil. and a name tag with a label saying, you are now dismissed. everyone likes a notebook!

you are welcome to print the menu or favor tags.

my mom went ahead a brought some nasty hairnets and gloves for us to wear. as a joke. i think? enjoy.

you can see that my mom thinks i'm the funniest person on the planet. which is actually true.
audrey took these pictures and she was not laughing. but secretly she was in her heart.

disgusting.

anyway, it was so fun to watch open presents for a little girl. this girl is going to throw audrey for a loop. i hope. it is my prayer. ahahahahaha.

can't wait to see meet your baby, audrey.
i love you.
you are my best friend.
did that make you spurt a tear, auj?

a letter to my future rebellious child.

2011-09-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

today, lila turns three. amongst my sentiment on this day(because i almost cried dropping you off at mother's day out AGAIN), i choose a letter to express my feelings.

to my future rebellious child (if you so choose to go this route, you naughty thing):

i want you to know that even though you hate me right now,

when you were a newborn, i stayed up with you in the middle of the night for weeks and weeks and weeks, until i almost went insane. luckily, you learned to sleep.

that i fretted over every fever you've ever had. i've called ask-a-nurse a lot. and on those feverish nights, i've rocked you in your chair all night long until we both passed out. just so i could hear you breath.

(here you are using an icing spatula to try and get all the keys off the hooks. like a monkey.)

that i cleaned throw up off of you when you were sick. i pulled all the chunks out of your hair, lovingly. while i almost puked.

that i cried when i found out i was pregnant with your sister, penelope because you weren't going to be the baby anymore. i called you my tiny baby forever and i knew it was ending.

that i worked tirelessly for you to talk. even though you refuse to do anything out of your own timing. today we practiced, how old is lila? THREE!

(today, we found the first red leaf of the season!)
that when i lay down at night, almost asleep, i get back up and go in your room and check on you. you sweat a lot so i take the covers off of you and position you correctly at the head of the bed instead of the end. or behind your bed. or dangling off your bed. or on the floor.

that i cry when i think about you not being able to hear for the first two years. i cry every single time i let myself go there.

that even though you suck on your fingers constantly and i make you stop, because i know it won't be cute when your teeth look like bucky beaver on crack...i still find it endearing.

that i hate spanking you because i feel like you're so creative, even when you're being naughty. i don't want to spank your creative out of you. laughable, but you have me manipulated.

that sometimes a marvel at your curiosity and just watch you. i watch you pull alllllllll the pots and pans out. alllllll the silverware out. and place it on the floor. and then move on to your next task. leaving just me and the pans on the floor.

that i pray hard for you every day. please let her know you, God. please let her talk. please let her experience the Gospel. please let her be confident and strong.

that i love when you get your purse, my high heels on, a couple of napkin holders on your wrists as bracelets and say BYE BYE! and walk to the front door. i have to keep the front door locked because you aren't pretending. you'll really go bye bye.

(here you are ready to go to mother's day out)

you love going bye bye.

(you forgot your purse. because you are like your mother.)

so listen, even though you think you never want to see my face again, i have loved you the best i could. you have always loved leaving. but when you come back, you scream, Hiiiiiiii! with such delight. because you missed me. and you know i think you're a marvelous creature. and you know that i love you. that i'll always clean the throw-up out of your hair no matter how old you are.

so come back home, you naughty baby. i have dinner waiting.

sincerely,
your mother

this is a day in my life.

2011-09-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

i've written about one million posts about why people should blog. a million. count them. ok, fine...it's like 3 posts. whatevs. but for those of you who are new around here, let me boss you around for just un momento.

blogging can get weird sometimes. people blog for their business, a cause, or just for their family. some do all three in a blog. which is why it's weird...there's no rules for blogging. no blogging etiquette. no guidelines. just post whatever you want on the interweb.

some are moms like me. some are guys that are like, why are there only like 4 guys that blog? some are single ladies getting their awesome on by getting lots of sleep and doing whatever they want all the live-long day, while constantly reapplying lip-gloss. haha. man, those were the days. why did i even write that...some of you shall be offended.

anyshways... let me bring you back to the basics of blogging(if you are blogging to tell your story)

we do not blog for comments.

we do not blog to be something we are not.

we do not blog for popularity.

we blog to tell our story. we are the memory keepers.
if you don't write your story down, who will? no one, and it will get lost. that's just not ok.

so ya, you turn these blogs into books. BAM. your life published every year. what a gift to your children....all their memories bound in a book. the good and the hard. there it is. wishin' your mom was a scrapbooker back in the day, huh? ya me too.

so when i posted this for another guest blog, i knew i needed to also put it on my blog for that reason. every christmas, i make a book of our life. and this is a day in the life of us. right now. if you've already read this...look away. look away.

5am: penelope wakes up to eat. but then goes back to sleep. and i get up and do a 1 hour devotional and a 1 hour hot yoga class before all the kids wake up. JUST KIDDING. i go ahead and go right back to sleep too, don't you worry.

7:30 we wake up...LATE. awesome. layne has to leave the house at 8 to be at school. so layne gets dressed, i make his lunch and he runs out the door with daddy. because daddy doesn't have a surgery this morning. thank goodness. and thanks layne for feeding the dog.

oh, i put those cold packs for lunch boxes on my eyes to make me not look so tired. what? i don't know...but i think it works. google it?

lila wakes up around 8:30-9:45. we get dressed. change diapers. i put m'face on. package up some gifts that need to be mailed out, because i'm an awesome friend. ok wait, these gifts won't even arrive in time for her birthday. whatevs.

anyway, we need to get out the door on time, because we have to go to lila's mother's day out open house at 10 am. i'm a little nervous but lila is super excited...cheering in the backseat when we pull in the parking lot. why am i nervous? lila does not talk(we discovered she couldn't hear 6 months ago, but now, thanks to tubes, she can)...she is not potty triained(how do i potty train someone who can't talk?)...will she fit in? that's what i'm thinking. ball of insecurities.

10 am, lila rocks it at the open house. she doesn't hit anyone. but if they tried to take that stroller away from her, she totally would have. hooray! and we make friends. this is going to be great, i tell myself. it's only one day a week...quit stressing. she needs this. normally at this time, lila would have speech therapy, but today is really weird. why did i decide to document today?...who knows.

11:00 we leave and we're off to run some errands. paper source for lila's birthday invitation envelopes...surprise, we're celebrating your birthday a month later because september is freaking nutty-mcNutterson, lila. bad mom? maybe. smart mom...yes. thank you.

11:15 hello panera...forgot to take a pic of this shenanigan. but don't worry, lila stood up on the booth and said HI! to every passersby. penelope slept. thank you, Lord.

11:45 i hop into forever 21 for a birthday gift for one of my besties. success! they have the cutest and cheapest jewelry there.

12:30 hit up the post office to mail little gifties out. when we get home, we play a little and then it's nappy time at 1:30. which just means, lila messes her room up and doesn't sleep. but penelope does, so i snooze off for 20 minutes on the couch. and then penelope wakes up from her very short nap and wants to eat. how rude. after eating, we stare at eachother. penelope thinks i'm funny and i think she's cute, so this goes on for quite a while. until i realize...

i have another child. in naptime.

3:00 lila gets up from solitary confinement. i mean rest time. at this point i'm about to go pick up layne but i remember he has a playdate after school with his buddy. this makes me a little sad because i miss him. so anyway, until like 4:30, i basically chase lila around and tell her 1800 times to take her fingers out of the mouth. suggestions for how to get this sweet nugget to stop? i have no clue.

at some point in there then i'm all, hey wait, what are we eating tonight? i made my world famous sloppy joes(NOT). which is a pound of ground beef and a half a bottle of bbq sauce. generally we eat healthier than that, but i was like...hmmm, what can i do with a pound of ground beef in about 5 minutes. ha. so it worked out for my non-planning self that day.

at around 5-ish, we eat. because we are old people. like the old people you see at the buffet at 4:30 that are already done with dinner and are ready for bed. that's us. also we have grey hair. so that indeed makes us "of a certain age".

you can tell from these photos who is the good eater and who hates anything i make. why do we have to fight about this every night, layne? oh my word.

so after dinner we play. penelope lays the smack down on the older ones with the help of daddy. we call her "ninja baby".

then it's off to bath time at 6:30

and after bath...a little cuddle time with penelope. because who can resist?

story time, and in bed by 7:30

i head out to go to michaels because i have to buy 30 wreath forms for a craft night next week. and nato hangs with some of his buddies while i'm gone because he is a social butterfly and loves people around CONSTANTLY. he could live in a commune.

i come home and shower. i shower at night because in the morning, i can't escape the childrens. it just works for me...don't judge. and then at around 11, we go to bed. here is an awkward picture to prove it. nato and i talk in bed until 11:30. then we make out. just kidding. i fell asleep.

'twas a super busy day. thanks for joining us. let's take it easy tomorrow and do absolutely nothing.

------
now go write your story down.

where i've been. where i'll be.

2011-09-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

i know, you're like, why have you only been blogging once a week lately? things have been crazy. i thought they would slow down, but they aren't i guess. and actually, i have been guest blogging on other people's blogs. just not my own. here's my schej this week if you want to see what i posted:

september 3rd: adventures of a supermom
memories for sale

september 5: the handmade home
a crafting roundup

september 7: the domestic wannabe
a day in the life of jami nato

september 8: life made lovely
jami nato's home tour

so my sis, auj and i shot a wedding this weekend. i'll post more of these fun pics on the photog blog as soon as i get them edited. which will be in forever.

and audrey is 100 weeks prego. toats gangsta, shooting a wedding that pregnant.

(i love this picture of audrey. i think she looks so pretty. it's one of those pictures you look back on with a smile and say, that was me.)

she climbed on top of my SUV to get a group shot. a collective gasp from the crowd was heard, followed by laughter when she started dancing(i think more like grinding) on top of the sequoia. gang.sta.

here's a shot i took of her while hanging around in the barn.

and i did 2 other shoots this weekend too. um, yes i dragged a couch to a barn. anything for the shot right? no?

and besides work life, real life has been happening. lila's mother's day out open house was the other day. she didn't hit or steal things and i was surprised at how well she did. because i'm stupid and i worry about things that i don't need to worry about. i explained to some mom's about her hearing and almost cried. can you imagine? that would have been funny. NOT.

but everyone was really great. and lila will totally love this. i mean, she's going to boss a lot of people around even without lots of words. one of her favorites is to give people a push on the back and say GO! really loud. she did this to several people while they were passing us in the grocery store isle. it was amazing. she makes me laugh so hard.

so ya, that's kind of what i've been doing. and a lot of other things i was too lazy to write about.

fashion show of bargains. yes, i still play dress-up.

2011-08-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

sooooo, twas my birthday and i got a gift card from my mother in law for $100 to forever 21. and a $30 gift card to target. yes and amen...thank you amelia and janell. now i shall present to you the items that i bought...even though i'm still 5 lbs away from my pre-baby weight. ugggg. it's the cookie dough.

i call this outfit, goin' ta church. because this is what i wore to church today.

for $22, i thought it was super cute and i could rock it into the fall. i'm a little too bustee to do no cardigan here. scandalous. seriously, stop staring...it's rude.

you should know that i wore this even though i have a huge bruise on my knee and 200 mosquito bites on my pale legs. see, it's true. GASP.

how did i get this bruise? i fell in trader joes. why are you laughing? i slipped on a wet spot and took a knee...a lunging knee. i saw people's legs stop moving and turn towards me but i did not look up at them. just walked away, like no biggs! my knee is about to fall off, but i'm good!

penelope was also looking adorbs in her ostrich outfit. omg, ostriches? yes, i'll buy that.

now i call this next outfit, let's go to the pumpkin patch. because it's orange patchwork on my shirt! get it?!

$10.99 for the top, $4.98 for the butt-ass tight jeans at target. yes, i have a muffin top under the shirt. too tight.
these little ked look-alikes are from target for $9.

and this outfit is called, running errands. see look, i'm running them.

$8.99 for the top above

and this is just called a good deal. $6 for a sweater. yes, i'll take that.

ok so this top outfit is called wear your spanx. top $11.99
and the bottom outfit is called, this top was $2.99 for a reason. not sure how i feel about it. and the wings. and the part wear i look like a geisha. tea anyone?

and a rufflee trench for $8.99? stop it! stop it! i heart you. even though i look mad in the picture.

this trench i bought a couple months ago for $11. i call it, i'm-not-really-pregnant-but-i still-wear-maternity-clothes. i just thought i could rock this not pregnant. but maybe i should give it away to my pre go friends, compliments of liz lange.

go ahead, judge me for my messy room you see in the mirror. do it, i dare you.

now this cardigan has a little touch of neon green with grey. totally cute together. i heart cardigans so i splurged on this at $20. ya, it was crazy for me to pull out the big bucks.

and the bottom outfit...i don't know about the skirt. it was $6 at target. paired with a v-kneck...casual, but classy. but will i ever wear this? probably not, because i'm not that classy.

here's what i end up wearing on a daily basis. layne said he really likes this shirt because of owl. it's says, young but wise. which made me laugh because i know me and bunch of 13 year olds are wearing this shirt around town thinking we're legit. nato said it should say, old but dumb. that made me laugh even though it's not really funny. and neither is the face i'm making.

top $12. seeing a tween wearing the same top, priceless.

the moth has flown.

2011-08-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

well don't worry about it guys, i haven't had the intranet for like, a whole week. omgeeee, shoot me in my little toe. that's how annoyed it is not to have the dubdubdub. but whatevs. let us talk of important matters.

i have a kindergartner. yes, i know. you're thinking, how does a 13 year old have a kindergartner...well i'm actually 30. i act and sometimes look like a middle schooler, but really i'm a stressed out mom who longs to have her internet functioning.

layne was apprehensive about going into school. of course. why would you think otherwise?

layne went straight to his "hook" because, he enjoys organized living and structure. um, unlike me. so ya, we clash on almost everything.

and what are the chances that layne is sitting next to the other asian in the class?

here's layne's work space, because you so wanted to know.

and this is me being reluctant to leave the classroom. i just wanted to be a fly on the wall for a day and see how layne behaves/learns/talks in the classroom. i mean, it's a french school, so i couldn't even understand the teachers. i was all, um, good luck buddy...i know you'll get it.

insert unsure face by mommy.

but he loves it. he's getting the language. what a neat opportunity...i mean knowing another language fluently by the time you leave middle school? sign me up! wait, i'm passed middle school. my time has passed. layne, you have more opportunity than i did. that's the way it's supposed to be.

anyshways, i didn't cry. you might think i would. except that layne was ready to go to kindergarten. he's a social butterfly...errr...moth(something more boyish). he loves learning languages. he is smart. he's going to thrive.

that boy's growing up and i love who he's turning into. i mean, i love who he is now too. i'm just going to stop writing now because i'm rambling. maybe i'll cry tonight or something.

$2 cake plate. crafternoon glory.

2011-08-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

sometimes, the stars aline and you are able to craft something that costs you basically nothing and turn it into something glorious. that you will use all the time when you host parties. or just when you want to make a lone cupcake look like a treasure. wait, a lone cupcake sitting on top of the toilet would also look like a treasure, what am i even saying.

what i'm saying is this: i'm not lying, this craft took me 10 minutes.

buy a glass plate and a glass cup or vase or whatever looks good together. this happens to be a sunday cup. i bought them at the dollar store. of course.

i had this spray paint in my basement left over from lila's room.
so spray paint only the bottom of the plate. NOT THE TOP. this will not be good for cleaning.

and i always have gorilla glue on hand. true story, i gorilla glued my husbands basketball shoes together that had ripped(because he has fat feet). ok, i used staples too. and some felt. he looked snazzy on the court, i'll tell you that much. shoe flare is what i call it.

so what i was trying to say with that story, is glue the plate and the cup together.and put something heavy on the top for a couple hours. or overnight even.

the bible is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my craft. i mean path.

wham, bam, thankyou PAM. i'm sick of using mam in there.

um, the cutest. do this craft now or i will stop being your intranet friend.
ready
set
GO.

purrrr-fection on this thirtieth year.

2011-08-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

i turned 30 on saturday. i know, it's hard to believe. because i'm so mature, you thought i was at least 31.
i told nato, let's just keep it chill for my birthday. plan something fun for just me and you. i want to go to the river market antique mall. that's it.

i don't know, with a newborn and figuring out lila, i just wasn't up for a big deal. so nato took me shopping and then made reservations for dinner friday night at one of our favorite local restaurants. small and quaint.except when we got there...what do you know, there's 15 of our closest friends sitting at a table yelling, surprise! and i was surprised. i cried, okay? i just wasn't expecting it at all. and some of our friends from chicago flew in and that threw me over the edge. i felt loved.
here are some poor quality phone pictures to prove it.

it was just perfect. i didn't worry about anything because i didn't know anything was happening. i felt so grateful walking out the restaurant doors. i was thankful for all of our friends and thankful that nato was by my side. plus nato has no concern for the budget when it comes to gifts for me. spoiled. absolutely.

my actual birthday was the next day...and my sister and i shot a wedding.so this post will be peppered with a few nuggets i quickly loaded today.

it was kind of great seeing two people so in love. it reminded me of that blind love you have for each other on your wedding day. but i couldn't help but chuckle....they don't really know each other. marriage is a funny thing, that way. you make a commitment to a bunch of things that you have no idea about.

anyway, i was driving home from the reception and was full of gratefulness that God made up the idea of marriage. i was thankful for my husband and i thought,
the man who broke my heart, now makes my dreams come true. cheesy and cheese. (insert a furry kitten snuggling with a unicorn here). i know. but i feel that way.

the man that left me now wants to be by my side all the time.
do you want me to go to the grocery store with you?
yes. wait no. we buy things like nutella when you come. you are no good with the budget.

the man that betrayed me now fills me with joy.
we're gonna get old and wrinkly together. i'm still going to try and get you naked.

the man that robbed me of joy now showers me with gifts. not fur jackets, but computers.
go look upstairs on the desk. what?
mark nato, you bought me a mac! insane.
i really was digging on this toshiba. (it must be said like T'sheeba with a texan accent).

like i said, i'm spoiled.

and i am so in love. damn.
30 feels good.
amongst all the other crap going on, 30 feels good.

p.s. i'll post some more wedding pics on the photog blog soon.

the puppet show. my mustache show.

2011-08-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

thanks for all your encouragement on that last post. seriously, my husband and i both read through all of them and felt understood. thank you, thank you, uhthankyou.

now i'm not sure how to transition from that to this confession. so here goes:

i am a certified puppeteer. why are you laughing? in highschool i went to(read: was dragged to) BRANSON, missoura by our church's children's ministry directors. and along with 200 complete wierdos and possible aliens, was taught the ends and outs of puppetting. it was frightening and i was concerned for my soul. especially when the speaker said, i want you to look at your puppet and just let a voice come out. let your puppet voice shine! they all started talking to their puppets in accents/baby voices/the voice you use with your dog/scary movie voices. this is when i excused myself to the bathroom for the 30th time. where i could laugh freely. and then cry. cell phones were still in brief cases at this point so i couldn't take a picture to show you in a future blog post.

when we left that conference finally, i swore to never look at another puppet in the eyes again. but things have changed. i am a mother now, my heart has softened toward puppets.

so with all that said, i've been thinking about that one post where i told all yall's to better moms. i have tried and failed a million times. but hey, i'm trying. i'm aware that my kids are little only once. and that they are my main job.so i've been setting down the iphone and being present with my kids.

of course, because the Lord has a sense of humor and wanted to tangibly show me that my phone was a distraction, lila painted on it. but whatever. material things... material things, i tell myself. after i yelled at her.

here's what happens when you stop looking at your kids as interruptions.

you take a box from your basement and cut a window in it.

you paint that bad boy. you eventually strip your kids down. of course, you do forget to put some plastic down...apparently acrylic paint doesn't just come off brick with the rain. hmmm. lesson learned.

you find some fun socks. from the laundry that you haven't put away. laundry can wait. which is good, because i never do laundry, so it's like my excuse when nato comes home. babe, i was being a good mom.

you never do laundry.

exactly, that's how awesome of a mom i am.

hot glue some stuff on them(your socks, not your kids. MOM JOKE). layne's doll was french so he obviously needed a mustache. lila's puppet was a scragglepuff. so it needed random hair. like hers.

my puppet obviously had a very stylish haircut. like my own. what? oh stop it, thankyou.

now if you're going to have a puppet show, the puppets must become aquainted with one another. they must be able to play off eachother's ques and be one step ahead of the audience. find a comfortable place, such as a pillow, and let them stare at each other longingly.

i don't even know what that means. i just keep typing things...

then, with great anticipation, the puppet show begins.

Je m'appelle layne. haw hawwww. (like when french people laugh. hawwhawww. i don't know how one spells somehting like that.)

lila screams with laughter.

and puppet show ends rather abruptly when the stage falls over approximately 30 seconds later.

now the important thing here is that you don't yell, YOU GUYS ARE RUINING ALL OUR HARD WORK!
this is something i did and then realized i was being a fun hater.

we took our puppet show to a couple neighbors. knocked on the door and then waited while we muffled our laughter.
they're going to love his moo-stash, layne whisper-laughs.

they're going to cry when they see my real mustache, layne. i haven't waxed in a while. and i know the sunlight is highlighting the million hairs.

when they napped, i snapped this picture. gosh, kids are so bothersome with all their messing stuff up. hahahaha...phew...wait, what? no. yes.

but it's the best way to do this. put the box on some benches/chairs, and throw a sheet over that. so they don't have to me smooshed together in a small box possibly hyperventilating.

we had fun though. and i'll tell you. you're going to be exhausted at the end of the day whether you intentionally parent, or parent on autopilot. so i say, at least make some memories whilst being exhausted.

plan something fun for the day and go with it. target can wait. so can the laundry. forever. the laundry can wait forever.

let's talk about lila and lee.

2011-08-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

so the good people at lee gave me a pair of jeans and asked me to enter this contest where you show your life in lee. well i'm not sure they had this post in mind. but for the sake of being honest, this is my life. in your jeans, lee.

something strange has been going on in my heart. it's been a soft subject inside of me for a while now, ever since we discovered lila couldn't hear for the first 2 years of her life.

there was a swimmer on TV the other night that was hearing impaired and had a light flash when it was time to jump off the board. it caught my attention immediately. a couple months ago on MTV(no i don't watch that channel!...i mean,sometimes. 16 and pregnant is good, i hear.), they had a show about hearing impaired kids.... their daily life. there was a dancer that was trying out for a professional football team's dance squad. she was asking the other girls to tap her when it was time to start the counts. i cried. she was beautiful, she could dance, she couldn't hear well. she sounded deaf. and she was inspiring. see it's ok, people overcome hearing loss, i told myself.

lila can hear now with the help of tubes and, at almost three years old, she is learning to process noises and sounds. it's like she's a newborn in language and processing department. the speech therapist comes twice a week and little by little, lila makes progress. and i learn little by little how to teach lila basic skills like following instructions. sitting still. sounding out. rewarding for even just trying to say words. puzzles. shape sorters. things mothers do with their baby at age one. lila just got stuck in time for a while and couldn't do those things.

this is what our day sounds like:

lila, can you say, elephant?

A-A-ant!

good words, lila! elephant! yay!

when i go to the store and people say,

what's your name little girl?

lila smiles at them and says nothing.

i don't know how to explain to them that she doesn't have words. i don't know how to say, i haven't figured my daughter out yet.

i feel apologetic to children and mothers when she is aggressive with her peers sometimes. do i say, oh i'm sorry! lila couldn't hear for a long time and so to get what she wanted, she was aggressive. it's now become a part of her behavior, even though she can hear at this point. why are you looking at me all confused?. side note: aggressive behavior has MAJORLY decreased since she's learned more words.

then there's other things. hmm, i don't know what classroom to put her in at church.with the babies who don't talk? with the older kids who are potty trained and she's not? how do i potty train her when she can't talk?

i worry about talking to the teacher when she goes to mother's day out in the fall. will they be annoyed with her? that question makes me cry as i type it out.

lila and i have lots of fun together. she is delightlful. always smiling and very happy most of the time. but she is also my challenge.

and we are in the process of getting her evaluated for a sensory disorder too. she has some weird quirks, like tearing paper into tiny pieces and constantly rearranging things, along with her language delay. is it autism? i doubt it... but i don't know. i mean, don't worry, i've over-googled it. but i'm sick of just wait and see. so we have become very active in figuring her out. whatever it is, i want to catch it while she's little to help her move forward.

so to describe lila for you:
on one end,
she can not be left unsupervised anywhere.
she wanders away.
if the front door isn't locked, she'll try and get out.
can't find her? she's on top of the table smearing yogurt everywhere, don't worry about it.
or maybe she's putting necklaces in the toilet.
why are all the books off the shelves? oh, lila put every single book under the table.
why are there no books in her room? she has torn up each and every one. since she stays up late, she has a lot of time on her hands.

and on the other end,
she could also be snuggling with daddy.
dancing to any sort of music.
dressing up in my clothes.
hugging penelope.
singing her version of ABC's or twinkle twinkle.
doing my hair. wait, messing up my hair.
playing on my iphone. she's brilliant at it.
having a conversation with layne, including inflections and laughing at her own jokes. of course, we don't understand her...but it's really sweet to watch.

so i'm at a tender place with lila. i cry sometimes at night in frustration because i don't know how to help her. wait, what i mean is, i actually can't help her with some things. she just has to learn. and that's hard to watch your baby struggle through things that seem normal for other kids. it's a difficult thing when you realize you just aren't in control.

i do know that i love her and that she is a treasure. whether she will make progress or not. she is our sweet lila. God gave her to us for a reason and we are thankful. challenged and thankful. in my lee jeans.

when daddy comes home.

2011-08-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

nato has a wierd schedule. so sometimes he gets to come home in the middle of the afternoon. and basically, this is what happens.

please notice nato's face in that second picture. painful?

and yes, everyone takes a turn jumping off the "fort" as layne calls it. even if the landing hurt their back.

poor lila. she was scared, but laughing.

layne started mixing it up with some "skateboard tricks". no skateboard needed, i guess.

penelope declined the opportunity to jump and instead took a nap. i think this was wise on her part.

and where are the pictures of me jumping, you ask yourself.
oh please. do you honestly think i would participate in such hootinanny? however you spell that.

i'm far too mature for this.

far

too

mature.

and ya. if you must know, i peed on myself a little. ok? also, hells yes...i'm rocking some white shorts from walmart and they are high waisted. so get over it. i'm ok with hiding a few extra pounds in a high inseam. go with it.

thanks for the fun afternoon, nato. i love the way you play with our kids. you are such a good daddy. and you're hot in those scrubs. paging doctor nato.
just kidding. or am i?

yes, i'm kidding. don't get any ideas.

the turtle has moved.

2011-07-31T20:58:00.000-07:00

that's right. change of address for penelope... our little turtle. the turt-a-lee-ist turtle you'll ever meet.

she moved from next to my bed...

to here...her crib.

which means, i don't hear her every snort. sniff. sigh. she is on a schedule(kind of)...
and i sleep better. yes, life is getting better. i sleep for like 5 hrs at a time. not a lot you say? yes it is. when you're used to waking up every 2 and 3 hours.
and i'm getting my energy back. to craft.
i mean, ya penelope had a little pep talk with me.

and so, from some encouragement from penelope, i have been crafting.

every girl should have a good set of oversized stamps on hand. i bought these foam stamps at tuesday morning for $6 a couple years ago. and i use them all the time. i've seen some around at craft stores. like these.

and i always have canvas in my basement. always. i just painted the letters with acrylic paint. and then heat set them(blow them with a blow dryer).

fun wall art that inspires me that... we can, indeed, do the hard things. it's surprising what we can do if we put one foot in front of the other. and do them. even if they are terribly difficult.

do you feel like this is a party planning blog? toats ridiculous.

2011-07-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

there are some months of the year that are nutty mcNutterson. july is this month for us. for some reason, every day and night of the month is jam packed with something we need to do. so i've been on a party planning spree. bear with me. my blog will not be like this forever. i have lots of other things i want to talk about. but for now, this is a reflection of my life. all i do is party. smoke drugs and party. ok, no. just party. mom-style.

anyshways, i've known ashley for a couple years now. she actually introduced me to "toats adorbs". this took our friendship to a new level. for instance, i know that when i say that's adorbs. she'll respond, TOATS. you can't put a pricetag on things like that. and i love her. she is generous and genuine and kind. and she borrowed my deodorant one time. because we are at that level, mkay?

but really, we were so excited to celebrate baby zion... they adopted him and i truly am obsessed with this nugget of love. so much so, i have arranged for penelope and zion to get their marriage on in like, 25 years.

so you might want to go to their blog to read more about their adoption process. it's pretty incredible. oh, also, did i mention she and her husband are amazing photographers? ok, the cat is out of the bag...they are. prepare your heart.

vintage baby shower details:
maria collects all things vintage, so all these blocks and vintage toys and what-nots are from her personal collection. can you even believe that high chair? in love.

those are chalboard platters i made from the dollar store.
and we had people bring a book to write a sweet note to baby zion. he'll have those little notes for a long time.

the table runner was a vintage striped sheet and do you love these vases with buttons in them. so cute.

i made the pennants out of those vintage looking children's books...golden books and some yarn. which was erica's fabulous idea. booya. and erica made some adorable peanut butter button cookies for favors, i'm hoping she took some pics because they were gone before i could get some.

nothing says vintage like old school toys sitting next to a flatscreen tv. wait, what?

so here's a cute little idea:
i made rachel dig in the bag for an hour to find matching animal shapes for little animal cookie sandwiches.

you just fill the middle with buttercream leftover from your cupcakes. and they were delish. oh yes they were.and easy!

thank you erica, maria, and rachel for all your hard work on this shower. i know ashley felt special.

layne's 5th birthday: baseball blowout.

2011-07-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

so i mean, layne is f i v e. which is wierd because i just had him. wait, no, that was 5 years ago. he is hilarious and smart and challenges me in ways i would have never thought possible. and i love him for it. my prayer is that he experiences the Gospel in a tangible way. that he is a strong man of God. a leader.

(layne and his cousin mia)
we did a tandem birthday...the boys were born one day apart. sharing is caring, boys.

let's talk decor: have you seen this ivy festival before? oh yes you have. but now let's think vintage baseball overload. think, my pregnant sister, audrey, is out of control and basically did everything for the party. i just nodded my head and tried not to get yelled at. ok, she's going to yell at me for writing that.

for instance, she painted these signs by hand, no stencil. ridiculous you say to yourself. she should sell these, no? but alas, she will not. she doesn't make 20 of anything. she makes one. and moves on. she's a creative bird and you must not cage her.

and again. amazon.com was our friend. buy me some peanuts and craaaaaaacker jacks...

my mom decorated the cookies..so cute huh? and emily painstakingly bagged them and tied ribbon around them. she got arthritis from this task. and also diabetes.

anyway, kind of overboard, but i mean, way fun. nato was like, what's the budget again? um, i don't even know what the budget is. really, i don't. audrey just keeps buying things. go with it. excpet i couldn't go with the helium machine she bought. that was a little much. so i chastised her severely and she took it back. a helium machine? who does that.

the table runner is AstroTurf i got at the hardware store. cheap and cute.
the containers for popcorn and the hotdog holders were from hobby lobby. technically they were for a carnival party but we thought they were vintage and cute.

we served hot dogs for a hot day. 106 degrees is HOT and that will make a lady cuss. it was a very sweaty situation, for everyone. and it's not like i'm going to get in the pool. in my G-string. my american flag G-effing-string. not really.i never had a G-string. but if i did, it would be patriotic because i love america.

let's play jump on the wet trampoline with no pad around the edge... a pad? that would be too safe. don't land on the rusty springs, kids! that's a fun game with real consequences called TETANUS.

of course another fun game is called, grandpa throws everyone in the pool. including a kid who didn't know how to swim. but he was fine. he actually could swim a little, apparently.

now george had a fun cake that my sis painstakingly hand crafted as a royals baseball cap. genius i tell you. what did layne get? ummm, a cupcake with 5 candles in it. whatevs. he ate all the icing off of george's cake anyway. well i guess, as you can see, all the kids had their hands in the cake and george was feeding lila. germ festival? absolutely. build those immunities.

and lastly,in the midst of the chaos of the party, lila walked from the back of the house to the front of the house on the hot concrete... unattended and burned the bottoms of her feet. she was hysterical and i felt terrible and tried not to cry when i was consoling her. we took her to urgent care, because you never know with burns... they could be mild or terrible. so ya, she has 1st degree and 1 second degree burn. ugggggg. the good news is, she is walking, running, playing and doing fine today. just has to wear socks all the time. buying swimming shoes tomorrow. lesson learned. mother of the year, that's not me.

so ya. crazy weekend. happy birthday buddy!

go here to see more pics of the baseball party on audrey's blog.
thanks auj, you rocked this party. you too zach. you're a work horse.

resources for mothers: let's get our booties in gear.

2011-07-19T13:56:00.000-07:00

i loved all the input i got from you guys on ways to intentionally mother, mentor, disciple your children. so here is a sweet list of ways to accomplish this and also resources to lovingly give you a kick in the bootie.

But first, have you read this article? whoa. i got a slap on the hand. read this article first and then come back here. i'll wait.
motherhood is a calling, not a hobby

ok, glad you're back. did you enjoy your spankin'?

so ya, here is a the list compiled and summarized from your comments and from other women i "interviewed"... via texting. LOL. but seriously.

14 ways to mentor your child:

1. go to church regularly. not so a sunday school teacher can tell your child about Jesus(which, yes, will happen hopefully), but to show them the importance of living together in a christ-like community.

2. read the bible with your child regularly. a lot of you mentioned the Jesus storybook bible. we love this too. hands down, i think it is the best children's bible out there. and sometimes i cry when reading it...but whatevs.

3. memorize scripture with your child. for example, have a verse of the week. write it on a chalkboard. practice it in the morning and at night. apply those verses to every day situations...i.e. when they're afraid, when they need an attitude change, when they need to show grattitude.

4. talk often about heart motivations, which leads to bad beahviour.

5. dream, plan, and pray about what you want to see in your family. write it down and pray it through.

6. remind children that obedience is obedience if it is: all the way, right away, and with a happy heart. if it is not all those things, it demands a consequence.

7. put your iphone away. or is it your computer, blog, craft, cleaning, etc? BE PRESENT when interacting with your child.

8. pray with your child. not just at bedtime. pray through rough situations with them.thank God for fun things. help them to know how to repent. pray that your child experiences the Gospel in a real way.

9. ask your child for forgiveness when you mess up. tell them what heart motivations led you to your behavior. model repentance.

10. journal your life honestly. journal your prayers and dreams for your children. this could be done once a year on their birthday. or more often.

11. eat dinner together as a family. no TV. no phones. no distractions. talk about their day...play high and low. what was your high today and what was your low?

12. build encouragement into your kids. build them up during the day or around the dinner table.say encouraging things to them alone and in front of others.

13. go through "catechism" questions with your children. it may seem outdated (actually, up until last year i thought it was just for catholics), but the word catechism just means to teach a biblical truth in an orderly way. it is amazing how many of us don't know the answer to simple biblical truths as we reach adulthood.

14. model charecter traits you want to see in your children. ask God to help you model them. if you don't like it when your kid lies, don't lie to them. if you want your kids to be grateful, don't complain constantly. the list goes on and on.

b o o k s:
the mission of motherhood by sally clarkson

loving the little years by rachel janovic

professionalizing motherhood by jill savage

big truths for young hearts by bruce ware

grace based parenting by tim kimmel

m u s i c:
seeds of worship

so will you commit to doing one new thing from this list this month? in the comment section let me know what it is. i will check in with you later in the month and see how you're doing. and maybe in a couple weeks i'll host a linky party and we can all see how you are accomplishing these things. we can encourage one another in this process and get ideas to make a sometimes daunting task seem doable.

i'm really excited about this. and maybe i should put an exclamation point on the end of that, but i feel like they're overused. ha. i mean, HA!

anyway,
i have a couple in mind that i want to start doing from this list and i pray that you are moved to do the same. we need to stop mothering on autopilot!

emily's 30th birthday/pool party she never wanted.

2011-07-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

emily is my best friend. we met in high school. we went to college together. we have a lot of funny memories together and some sad ones too. but saturday night was one of my faves in the memory bucket. yes, i made that up: memory bucket. don't google it because i don't know what you'll find. probably a dumb craft.

anyways, here are the details in pictures of emily's 30th anthropologie-inspired, rustic birthday party that chelsea and i planned. but had lots of help from lots of people to pull it off. especially keith, her husband who asked us to plan the party and also funded it. sorry, i only emailed you twice for your input. woopsies.

the invite:

inside this ivy festival was the dinner table.

and the table setting: stumps, jars, wild flowers, candles...

how cute are those pennants chelsea made?
and props to nato for cutting the wood stumps with his chainsaw in the 100 degree heat.

cupcakes on stumps. how is that not classy, i ask you?

but really, tree stump cake platters. toats adorbs. emily hates it when i say toats adorbs. but i am joking. she says people don't know you're kidding and it's stupid. toats whatevs, emily.

hannah made that cute banner. she admitted to me that she has a cricuit cutter. what? brat, i want one.
and my mom made her famous strawberry cupcakes. ok and my mom made a lot of the food. ok, she made basically all of it. because she is awesome. and because she loves emily. did i mention that this was at her house? awesome.

audrey also helped with the party. and she hand wrote this "ice cold drinks" sign...for our boys' baseball party next week.but it's too cute not to leave up all the time.

party favors and guest book:

we had everyone take a polaroid picture(actually a fuji instax) and put it in the guest book with a little birthday wish.

this is a framed piece of fabric and we wrote on the glass with dry erase marker. you know i'm obsessed with dry erase markers.

penelope also helped get stuff done. i mean, she was more like cheering us on with her bald head. little turtle. but how much does my dad's hair and her hair look the same?

moving on, there was a little dance party. mostly people were too timid to get on the dance floor. i deleted most pictures of myself as i am pretend pole dancing in most of them and got 3 splinters. someone needs to sand that post, mkay?. i could't really do most of my moves correctly because i was wearing a mom-dress. literally. i was wearing my mom's dress because none of my clothes fit. enjoy this low-quality photo as proof.

please enjoy emily's dance moves. and jen's too. amazing.

it was good to have all the besties back together again for this momentous occasion.

we're all married fellas... you missed out on our mom-hottness. and ya, i know what you're thinking: how do i get ashley's arms? alls you have to do is train professionally for triathlons. her body is rude. toats jeal.

'twas a glorious and fun night. all because em was born 30 years ago.
happy birthday, emily.

linking up at:

would you like to visit the zoo?

2011-07-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

this is what happens when 3 besties get together. 3 besties and 11 and 1/2 kids. i guess our families have grown quite a bit over the years. it's a zoo.

(there are so many hilarious things going on in this picture. namely, a baby with a too-heavy helmet on)

what happened to those carefree college days when alls i worried about was feeding the stray cat under the porch in emporia (em and hannah told me to stop "feeding the ugly stray because emily can't stop sneezing". of course i'll stop. i don't want your allergies flaring up, i said with concern.

well a couple days later, em's class got out early and she walked in on me and the cat laying on the couch. kind of spooning. OK FINE, the cat was laying on my chest and we were watching TV. but that's as far as it went. i'm all, cat...this is awkward...i think you should go.) longest parenthetical sentence ever.
TANGENT. sorry.

so now when we hang our conversations are like:

so how are y...oh hang on elsa needs yet another piece of pizza.(that girl can eat! and mosquitos love to eat her forehead. sorry, elsa. my backyard is a crazy mosquito festival.)

so like i was saying, what's new with....
MOM! i need more dwinnnnnnk.

so how's your mom...
well ...oh gosh, hadley has a rash. do you have poison ivy out there? do you have hydrocortizone cream?

(this is funny because lila and elsa are checking eachother out. they didn't know quite what to think of one another! and also because hadley is such a little poser.)

so anyway, how are you feeli...
ewww layne has a bloody nose. it's on the pillow! grosssssss....

when are you heading ba...
(crying)blaaaaaaa....mom...hadley won't share the helmet....

hannah had the brilliant idea of just getting together over breakfast so we could have uninterrupted conversations. just us. no kids. and ashley our other bestie, who has no kids (and no blog...for shame!) but i think she has a dog. we can look at pictures of her dog and tell her they look just like her. kidding ashley. this is my passive aggressive way of telling you to have a baby.

chocolate chip oatmeal cookies from heaven.

2011-07-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

there is a recipe that every lady-cook knows by heart. the go-to recipe.
it always works and everyone always loves it. this is THAT recipe for me.

that's because the special ingredient in these cookies is a tear from a unicorn. or maybe it's an eyelash from harry potter. i forget. but how magical is that?

ok, i'm lying. you have all this stuff in your cabinet.

i'm not going to write out the ingredient list because i'm too lazy. so sue me. but let me just say. use butter not margarine. the devil sweats margarine...so ya, it can't be good for you. and use real vanila. stop it with your fake ingredien-ths.

Chewy McGooey Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

*assuming you're using your kitchen aid

2 sticks butter(softened in microwave for 30 seconds or left out for an hour)

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup sugar

--mix well

to this mix add:

1 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp salt

1 tsp baking soda
--mix

then add 2 eggs and mix on low until egg is just mixed in. don't over mix.

to that mix add:

alternating 1 cup flour, then 1 cup oats, then 1 cup flour, then 1 cup oats while mixer is on

(yes, for those mathematicians that's 2 cups flour and 2 cups oats total)

i like to scrape down the bowl before i add chocolate chips.

last add

half of the bag of chocolate chips

--mix for seriously 5 seconds. you don't want to break up the chips.

and i make my cookies oversized. they are better this way, trust me and my extra 10 lbs i have hanging around.

don't be afraid of my pan. those brown edges add flavor.

so the secret key is to make the cookies ginormous and bake at 350 for like 11 minutes until BARELY, a tiny bit brown on some of the tops. you almost want them to look a little undercooked because they cook a tad more on the pan when you take them out. let them set for a couple minutes before digging in.

ahhh, soft, chewy love.

then have someone else clean up.

yes if you look closely there is a vitamin water ZERO in the background. save those calories for the cookies, ladies.

mother as the mentor.

2011-07-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking about mothering. like a lot because that's all i do. i haven't been crafting...i mean, i'd blog that. hello. i haven't been baking as much. and when i do, satan smiles upon me.
i.e. dastardly brownie cookies.

here's what i have been doing: i have been up every three hours feeding baby, burping baby, begging baby to sleep through the dang night. but like i said, she's rude and won't.

(i title this picture:turtle out of her shell)
so i don't sleep at night and then i don't get to nap during the day because of the other chitlins'. and also because, major SIDE NOTE, we're doing construction on our attic to turn it into a freakin' awesome space. hammers. saws. men yelling. no napping.

oh and i got strep. probably because i don't sleep, no?

what. the. H is going on?
well sometimes i think God brings us to the bottom so we will look up and ask for help.you know, because although sometimes it feels like we have it all together, we don't. we need help. so in this haze of all-encompassing mommy-ness and exhaustion, i have had to ask God for help. and it seems as though He is waking me up spiritually with something has been rolling around in my head lately.

i was at a church group for women and we were discussing how it was important to have someone mentoring you. kind of telling you the truth about yourself, encouraging you as a mom and wife, walking you through issues with your kids. stuff like that. the speaker said we should be mentored by someone older and wiser than us. yes, agreed. sign me up. i made some phone calls and got me a mentor! bam.

and in that same vein, she continued saying, we should be mentoring someone younger than us. in my head i'm like, what? i really don't have time for that right now. and then she said, if you have kids, that's who you're primarily mentoring/discipling right now.

oh. oh ya. my kids...my every-day-monkey-like companions. the ones that watch me all day. and talk with me all day. and listen to me all day. OH YA.

it made me think of how mothers have so much influence on their children. i believe no one has quite the impact on their spiritual lives... especially if you have littles and you are at home all day with them.this is a great responsibility and i've been feeling the weight of this thought.

a gentle nudge towards a more intentional, thoughtful consideration of my children's spiritual lives...instead of being on cruise control. i am reminded of a statistic by george barna that says, a person’s moral foundations are generally in place by the time they reach age 9 and A child's spiritual identity is largely set by age 13.

i don't want to parent by default. this intentionality has gotten away from me. in just the craziness and busyness of everyday, it's gotten away from me and i am going to be better this year. i have to. otherwise, someone else will shape their lives. like calliou on PBS. noooooooooooooooo! is that why layne whines so much? yes. i will blame it on calliou.

so riddle me this:

what are you mothers doing out there to invest in the spiritual lives of your children. like thoughtful, intentional things you do regularly? tell all.

i will compile a list of the top 10 or 20 and post them sometime next week.

although i've been a slacker, one thing that i have done intentionally is in the music area. i got the kids each their own CD player that plays seeds of worship music during rest time in the afternoon and before bed. it's just straight up scripture set to music and it is awesome. i have even memorized these verses! it works.

things that i love in this moment.

2011-06-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

first of all, i'm on a blogging spree. can we just acknowledge that.
moving on.

this is a short post. just things that i love on this friday.

FIRST:
camera things. things with camera's on them. camera equipment. people that buy me camera equipment.

top item from lindsay...the cutest! thank you, friend....
bottom item from forever21 in the men's section. $20

SECOND:
tina fey's bossypants. seriously funny. i mean, it's got some cussing in it and is also not spirtual at all so it won't deepen your life. but man, i laughed every night reading it. nato said he liked falling asleep to me giggling.

THIRD:
bridesmaids. have you seen this movie? there are some super raunchy parts and you will have to wash your eyes afterward while you burn incense. but i peed on myself 3 to 4 times in the theater. you think i'm kidding. but ya, i want to be besties with kristen wiig.

FOURTH:
i am also in love with my in laws and sister-in law who came over this week and did my massive amounts of laundry i haven't done for 2 months. also not kidding. it's a special thing when you let your mother in law fold your underwares(yes, she folds them!). spesh.

and FIFTHLY-LASTLY:
i love a note from nato. HINT HINT, babe. please? won't you? next week? great!

i'll put you on the schedj, babe!

some recipes you'll love. i just know it.

2011-06-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

ok so martha stewart says to never buy caramel. it's so simple she says. but i don't know...mar-mar makes her own marshmallows too. people like that are untrustworthy and are probably aliens, so i just don't believe her. plus, as per usual i find a loop hole in making caramel because loopholes are my spiritual gift.
and also my other spiritual gift is getting mesquito bites. but whatevs.

anyway, i believe my mother did this little trick-a-roo last year and i was like...gawwww, that's so smart and easy. 'cuz alls you do is boil the can for 2 hours.

truly, remove the label from sweetened condensed milk, put in a large pot and boil. for 2 hours with the lid on. now you will read on the mighty intranet never to do this. why? because if you don't keep the water over the top, it will explode. like shoot up and kill you or something. so ya, keep the water over the can...OR DIE making caramel!

when you open the can, it'll look kind of wierd. let it cool a little and it'll get thicker. i think it's more like dulce de leche. dulce de tasty, 'mkay?

sorry for the weird lighting in the photos. 'twas nighttime.

and speaking of tasty, this orzo chicken pasta that my friend amanda made for me is the perfect summer pasta. aside from this other chicken pasta dish. uhhh mazing. make this tonight and you will surely receive an extra jewel in your crown in heaven.

*chicken orzo pasta*

Ingredients:

I bag Orzo pasta (in the pasta isle...usually in a smaller bag)

1/2 cup Olive oil

1 rotisserie chicken or grilled

1 pkg feta cheese

2-3 cups torn spinach

Zest of 1 lemon

Juice of 1-2 lemons

1 pkg cherry tomatoes quartered

fresh thyme )or dried...a tsp or so)

salt and pepper added to taste.

Directions:

cook Orzo per package. drain and set aside to cool

zest your lemon into the pasta

add diced chicken

add tomatoes

in a separate small bowl, combine juice of lemons and olive oil. add some salt and pepper and mix.

add the "dressing" to the pasta and stir

add spinach and thyme

stir in feta last before serving

as rachel zoe says, i die. it's just that good.

layne, you're so predictable.

2011-06-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

layne is pretty predictable. he doesn't like change. so my strategy is to talk any big event through with him like months and months in advance.
so last year i said,
layne, you're going to go to a new school.
your old friends won't be there. which is a bummer but you'll make new friends.
Not even David? where's David going to go?

layne, at this school, they don't speak english. (it's a french immersion school)
i like spanish. uno dos tres quattro...
no buddy, it's french.
i only want to speak spanish. they can speak french and i'll speak spanish.
(i didn't mean to take this diagonal. i was holding lila's hand and snapping pics without looking, hoping to catch something.)

so when he went to kindergarten camp every day from 8 to 3(i know, right?!) this week, i was a little bit nervous. considering his past "first day" experiences and his desire to avoid changes at all costs.

i'm not going to lie, when we dropped him off on monday, i kept my phone next to me all day waiting for THE CALL.

well today(friday) i got it. oh ya.

hey, layne is having a pretty tough time. i think he's pretty exhausted from the week. will you come pick him up. (not a question: a statement)

of course. i'm sorry.

layne most likely could be exhausted. but he didn't want to go to school that day because we told him he had to apologize to his teacher. she told us the day before she asked all the kids to say
Je m'appelle (their name)
layne refused to say it all day. even though he could say it. he refused. but said it ten times on the way home. because he's my first born. and no one is the boss of him.

so anyway, he had a melt down before school today, would not apologize when he got to school, and basically, acted naughty that morning. amazing,my child.

when nato picked him up in the office. layne was acting quite chipper.
oh hey dad! i just got exhausted today!
ok then we'll go home and you can take a nap.
actually i'm not exhausted. i'm fine.

the director looked at nato and said...i have one like that too. i feel for you.
insert the awkward parent smile here.

he manipulated the situation so he could go home. naughty and smart. and i'm sure he really was overwhelmed for the week. he did this when he went to the nursery at church. he did it at preschool. and he's staying true to himself even now... he wouldn't be my first born if it went smoothly.

his punishment? he sat in his room allllllll day. even ate lunch out of his lunch box in there. hopefully he'll think kindergarten is better than sitting in his room? probably not though. when i checked on him i saw him eating his graham crackers sitting in a comfy chair. with his legs crossed. smiling. like an old man enjoying a glass of scotch.

we shall see how next week goes. the excitement is palpable... can you feel it? me either.

i display my baby on the mantel, usually.

2011-06-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

well, i'm obsessed with penelope as you know. even though she is rude and doesn't let me sleep longer than three hours.

as the black eyed peas say,

girl i think about you every night and day
i'm addicted and i just can't get enough.

what? you don't put your baby on the mantel to play? fear not, there were spotters.

i just can't get enough...i JUST can't get enough... go ahead, sing it with me, won't you?

no this is not my house. i don't live in a shanty-town. my dad is flipping a house...and i went in there when the crew had left for the day. well we all did. this was done in 15 minutes... and if only you could hear what was going on during this photoshoot. lila pinched herself with pliers and was screaming. layne was hammering(nothing important, dad, i swear), i was coughing from the dust, and nato was borderline about to cuss at me for making him help. but alas, he is a good man and did what he was told for the greater good of memories.

and speaking of photoshoots... my sis, auj and i shot a wedding. it was flaming hot. like satan's- armpit-hot. it was fun to do something creative again, as i've been in newborn lockdown mode.here are some pics i took.

you players, can see more here.

a little baking fun. i mean, disaster.

2011-06-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

well, sometimes you get the urge to do something crazy, like bake... when you have a newborn. you just shouldn't try to be innovative. because really, you haven't slept in 4 weeks (this would also be equal to taking a test high). and also you still have 15 extra pounds hanging around so you should be eating carrots and burlap maybe, not brownies. but this is neither here nor there. please follow me in my journey of baking brownie mix cookies.

no, no...nato, stop...you silly goose. you know i'm shy. well ok, i'll pose!

so i thought that i could just cut back one egg and turn these into cookie. not-so-much.

you can imagine how my face went from delightful anticipation to utter despair when i opened the oven and saw this. poop discs? no. burnt cheese? no. brownie cookies, silly! fun fun fun. you could impress any guest with these. these little unleavened discs are all the rage in europe.

reviews:
i can hardly even scrape these off. why didn't you just make them as brownies like they were supposed to be? said nato, of nato and associates.

what are those flat thingies on the oven. eww. said layne nato from "stating the obvious" children's magazine.

"more!" and "puh-ease!"said lila on behlaf of all the toddlers of america.

"gawwwww. i freaking wasted my good butter on this. totally pissed," said jami at food network of the sleep deprived mothers(FNSDM).

so ya, the recipe is just to follow the instructions on the box and make brownies. not cookies.

good luck and enjoy this fabulous recipe.

the sting is still there.

2011-06-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

well it happened, he saw her. the other woman...she's a real person, you know.

we live in the same city so i knew it would happen, just not when. and i really think God has protected our marriage over the past 2 1/2 years from this. we've gotten to heal without the fuss of HER. but today i was forced to acknowledge that what happened to us is real. he did have an affair. and although time has passed, sometimes it still stings. bad.

hey honey, i need to tell you something. i saw (insert dreaded name i never wanted to hear again), today. (for privacy purposes, let's call her something common like "cruella deville". just kidding, that was a joke. we'll just call her "HER", mkay?)

oh.
insert trying not to cry but tearing up and saying,
oh... ok.

i saw her and i didn't feel anything but shame. i'm that asshole. i don't want to be that guy. i'm sorry. i love you. i only want to be with you and our family. i'm sorry.

through tears, i had to admit that it scares me because i've been able to pretend that she's not real sometimes. that we've moved on and are happy(because we really are). i also sometimes pretend that now we're untouchable(that's dumb, huh?). so ya, nato now knows where she works. he could very well talk with her. he could see her and want to be with her again. he could leave us.

he could leave me.

these are things that went through my head immediately. and then nato said, baby put your hope in the gospel. and like feeling the sting of a curling iron on your forehead from over-curling your flower bangs in 8th grade, i felt like God was saying, i'm all you need. thinking otherwise will hurt you.

will he see her again? probably. can i wish he lived in a bubble and never encountered consequences of his sin? of course. but that's not how it is. i have to let it go and trust that God is in control and not me. i can't worry enough to make nato not mess up. and while this is just an obvious opportunity for my husband to sin, he actually has had the option to move towards faithfulness or infidelity everyday for 2 1/2 years.

actually, we all do. the trap is set. we can take the bait or not. the opportunity is everywhere. for us, we've seen the bait is not worth it. it looks glamorous and fun and like it won't hurt anyone, but adultery is so destructive and terribly painful. (just watch the news...arnold and anthony are wishing they could go back in time and save their families, i bet.)

and the sting doesn't go away. for a long, long time.

is it a coincidence that all this is happening when we are at our most tired and exhausted? that the last affair happened right after we had lila? hmm, i don't think so. so we are on our guard, for sure. and confident that God will walk us through this bump in the road like He's always done.

i love you nato. thank you for your transparency...i know you could have kept this a secret, but you didn't even though you knew it would hurt me deeply. i am grateful for the "sting" today. it has brought me closer to God and closer to you. you are a good man.

if you want the back story on this, go into the marriage tab to the right and read through our journey.

our little old man dinosaur alien.

2011-06-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

penelope is a treasure trove of sweetness. and sleep deprivation. i've discovered that the more children i have, the more i realize i don't have it all together. in a good way. i think. i can say semi-deep things like this because i haven't slept in 2 weeks.

anyshways, my mom came over and scrubbed my floors and cleaned my house, my sis came over and organized my desk while chastising me for being a mess(kind of rude but she was doing such good work, i took the beating), and nato's sis, mom and dad have taken the other 2 kids on fun excursions to the pool and what not to let me sleep. people bring meals. this is glorious and humbling. my mom said, you're not superwoman. and she's right. i have to accept the help without feeling guilty. for the sake of the children. and with the hopes that they will forget how i fed them cold macaroni for lunch and made them fold laundry and told them it was a game. and also that children around the world love this game. and have loved it for centuries! layne's like, what's a sin-chur-ee?

he also asked why penelope looks like a little old man. personally, i think she looks like a little wrinkly alien-dinosaur. with a receding hair line. ok, so ya...layne...she does like like an old man. but whatever. she's my sweet little old man.

but this is my life right now. even writing this i think, what am i saying? am i asleep right now dreaming that i'm blogging? why do i have to nurse every 2 hours. do i really sleep every other hour? are dinosaurs real or did God just put the bones in the ground to give people jobs digging them up? why do pirates always eat apples? i don't know. these and other questions remain unanswered.

i also am guilty of watching every tv show ever made, as nursing lasts 30 to 45 minutes...and this happens every 2 hours. i don't need to know about biker weddings, but i watch and laugh at their leather chaps. housewives of new jersey?..ya, those crazy gals are nuts. oh and i watch QVC, laughing at first at the salesman...then marveling at his genius selling skills, and then eventually wanting to buy the useless product. luckily, by way of sheer embarrassment, i turn the channel before nato walks in so i never order anything. but who needs geriatric looking shape up shoes that can also juice lemons anyway? i know, right? but it would be cool to have them, huh.

anyway, i'll stop because i'm pretty sure my typing is getting very slow and i'm actually sleep-typing. and also because penelope is screaming her head off. ruuuuuuuuuuuuude.

sweetest little nugget.

very clever, penelope.

2011-05-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

so the NIGHT BEFORE we had you, like after we dropped your brother and sister off at your lola and lolo's(filipino for gramdma and grandpa), we were on our way home. your aunt michelle mentioned a name casually.

so here's our convo on the ride home:

babe, i really like the name penelope.

what? you can't change the name. we've had the name for 6 months.

i know, you're right. i just love the name penelope.

me too actually.

nato! don't feed into this nonsense! tell me no.

let's just see what she looks like tomorrow.

you know that annoys me when people say that. it makes no sense.

we'll just see.

great...she has no name, the night before we're going in.

all pics from our phones...we heart instagram!

so you were supposed to be talulla. i love talulla becuse it has a bunch of L's in it without being an actual L name. i didn't want all my kids to have L names, yet i enjoy the letter L so much. so this name was like a loop hole of sorts so i don't have to be like the duggars(confession: who i have a slight weird obsession with).we could call you LOU, but your name begins with a T. clever, huh?! i work my life around loop holes, penelope. there's always an exception to the rule and i will find it. sometimes i get into trouble for this. but i encourage you to live your life thinking cleverly, mkay. ya, let's call it clever.

anyway, talulla means fruitful woman and princess. which would be hard for your sister, lila because she thinks she's a princess. you guys would have had to compete for that title.

when we saw you, your dad said,
what do you think?
i didn't know. i said either name was great. i told him he could choose. so he went pee to think about it. classy, right?

nato said, i've got it, babe. i thought about yelling her name...like if she were in trouble. let's call her penelope.

i love it. it's perfect. penelope grace.

she shall be my penelope grace and we shall call her penelope. (a finding nemo reference, if you didn't get it)

the crazy thing is, we didn't know what penelope meant when we named you. i googled it that night.
In Homer's epic the 'Odyssey' this is the name of the wife of Odysseus, forced to fend off suitors while her husband was away fighting at Troy until her husband returned.

Her name has traditionally been associated with marital faithfulness & loyalty

isn't that crazy? we changed her name last minute and found that it weaves into our story more than we could imagine.

God is clever. really, really clever.

now, i leave you with my ankles. because i haven't seen my ankle bones emerge from my skin in, oh, 9 months.

and my son. so he wouldn't feel left out.

the peanut is here. uhthankyou.

2011-05-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

well, i know i cheated by being induced. but this little lady was ready to enter the world. now, you should know i wanted an epidural right when i got into the hospital parking lot.

(inspirational sign made by my sis...dual purpose)

which we got there late in the first place. rude when you're on a mental schedule. i mean, i kicked my husband out of the bed in the middle of the night because he was coughing. i'm all, i need to sleep tonight. so he conveniently turned off his alarm 8 times that morning. when i woke up at 6:30 and we needed to be at the hospital at 7...i was pee-issed. so we started the morning off by yelling at one another...cussing was involved. followed by repentance and tearing of sackcloth.

(here i am in pain..angry elf...enjoy)

i did eventually get the epidural but it decided to only work on half my body. and i got nauseous. so that was stupid. really stupid when they're putting a catheter in and you grab the nurses hand because she's having inappropriate relations with your bladder. ouch. but then after an hour they did something magical because i became numb on both sides. PTLOH. from then on, it was a breeze. there was a moment at the end there when the baby decided she was going to come out and no medical professionals were there. my mom was all, say HOUSE. and i sung it. howwwwwwwwwww-sssssssssse. and then i said, go grab a janitor or something, she's falling out of there. no my mom and sis didn't get to stay...i made them go behind the curtain and told them not to peek. they were disappointed. but i know 2 out of 3 of them cried from the sound effects alone.

three pushes later she was out. (some might think this pic is gross, but really, it's presh...mkay)
ya, 3 hours of labor.
no tearing!
'twas and awesome experience.

layne and lila are hilarious with her. lila yelled, BAY-BEE! when she saw the new peanut. and layne wanted to hold her immediately.

the fam and friends have been up here non-stop. but they always have food and such, so they are welcomed. although nato thinks this is a party and has someone here every hour on the hour. i'm all...don't mind me sporting my ginormous pad with a moose knuckle for all to see. gross.

penelope grace nato

6lbs 3 ounces

18 and 1/2 inches of sheer deliciousness

yes, she's crossing her eyes in the second pic. adorbs!

ready to go home and be a family.

some pics taken by auj, some by nato and some by me.

two things. that's alls i need before she arrives.

2011-05-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

before i pop this baby out, i decided 2 things need to happen: i've wanted a new headboard for, oh, since we got married. they are so expensive and you definitely want to get the right one because of this. but if i think back to what i would have purchased when i got married and what i would purchase now, i'm really glad we waited and didn't spend any cash-money on this.

you can kind of see the old headboard here. it blends into the wall...look, look with your special eyes(have you seen that commercial?). btDubs, we've changed some things up in here to make it not so boring, so i need to do re-tour or something.

so there was this door in our basement that we inherited when we moved in. who leaves a pretty door? sillies. anyway, i love it and asked nato to put it as our headboard-- like a couple months ago.and he was like, don't you want to buy one? i'm all yes...but it cost one trillion dollars. so NO. plus, he went and bought me a new camera for mother's day and a push present so we have no money for that craziness. but ya, who invented the push present? that is genius. when nato has a vasectomy i'll throw him a "slash bash" and get him something nice for all his pain. and by nice, i mean, a bag of frozen corn. blahahaha.

so i was like, she can't arrive until the headboard is up, babe. and what do you know, that superman made this yesterday in 15 minutes because:
a) procrastinators prosper
b) he is motivated by a very emotionally volatile pregnant lady that happens to sleep next to him and
c) he is a genius because he simply screwed it into our previous headboard i made when we first got married. BAM.

anyway, the last thing i want to get done before i go into the slammer, i mean, hospital-and-subsequent-hermithood, is to get a pedicure. my feet are nastola. like the kind you see in public and make a face at even when the person is standing right there. because they're that bad.

but i'm just going to make nato paint them instead. he'll do it because he's scared to say no. plus i can't reach them and it's painful to watch me try. that is one good man, people. and really cute too, i must say.

mkay, so now i'm going to organize my pantry or something. and my fridge is nasty...so much to do, so little time.

the last week of being with child.

2011-05-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

so the only reason i'm posting these pictures is because some people called me out on it. you darn good listeners. you don't blog only pretty things...you post life. i have repented of my blog sins, and will now post these pictures as penance. while my husband rubs my feet. my ankles are seriously almost unable to be found.you have to rub my feet to keep my feet from looking old. that's what i tell my husband. i'll have glistening, young feet at age 90. i just know it.

here are some from a photo booth. that's right, i wore a denim jacket to a wedding. it was inappropriate, but it fit. and that's what counts in life. it fit, dammit...it fit.and i can't say that about 15/16th's of my clothing.

i gained 35lbs...not 40 as i predicted. i guess i do have 5 more days to gain 5lbs actually. twix...mmm...
this picture is an optical illusion. this mirror is like, made by angels...it's really weird, but this is not how i really look.

this is kind of more like it. i mean, still doesn't show my kankles though. mommy looking rough...camera in front of face for a reason.

my butt has really become well-rounded. well rounded in the study of growing cellulite.

i'm getting induced on monday. so that's awesome. baby is fine, i'm fine...don't worry your hippie hearts, i enjoy a good induction and an epidural. this is something i am super not into being hippie about. send me your hate messages, this preggars doesn't care. i get to meet the peanut on monday. you can't stop me.